all needle, hold the spoon

behind the parmesan cheese, on the top shelf of our fridge, sits a buckee’s shot glass…

…in it is a tiny box, that contains a tiny vial, that allegedly will cure all that ails me.

okay, so maybe not ALL that ails me, but a good bit of the physically painful parts.

i’m literally three shots in. just did the third one moments before typing this. here are my revelations so far…

1. i’d have made a horrible junkie – i guess “made” implies that window is closed, as plenty of folks have gotten drug habits in their fifties, right? no? well, just as well. i kinda suck at it. i’ve bent two of three needles so far (still did the injection with em, though).

2. the down side to using something not technically for human use is the lack of information as to what the fuck to do when, say, you have reconstitute the damn thing.

3. the other downside is lack of information – sure, the internet SAYS no side effects, but why did i feel weird after the first couple. could be something i ate (the more probable idea). could be that i’m now dying of poison (probably not).

4. do i really need gloves for this? i remember watching a co-worker just walk up to our other cohort, jab him in the arm, and push the plunger (they did each other’s test shots – isn’t that cute?). no gloves or anything, and due to what we do, there are literally thousands of them at our disposal.

5. the company i got it from is very explicit that it’s not approved for human consumption thanks to the fda, but then they now sell capsules and dissolving strips with a combination of peptides on them – is it legal as long as it’s not injectable?

6. should i go ahead and just order another vial to make sure i can do a solid 120 days like my boss said? because this doesn’t look like nearly enough…

guess i’ll look at that last one come pay day – let’s see where it goes!