i’m not a decrepit old man (yet)

i’ve had budnkik on the brain lately and his death-i-versary back in march reminded me that a theory i once had has come to it’s inevitable conclusion…

…and was proved incorrect.

it’s pretty amazing how far our brain’s stretch when we’re high. once, when i woke in the middle of the night, i realized what had woken me up was budnik. he had come back in our room and walked over and almost nuzzled me in my sleep getting so close to my face, but never actually touching me. the then went and did the same thing to nik, but she’s a much sounder sleeper than i am so it didn’t even phase her. to me it seemed almost like he was checking up on us – making sure we were just asleep, but not dead, so he knew both his parents were home and he was okay. he then tottered on down the hallway and went to sleep on his bed by the couch instead of his one by my side of the bed.

so that’s what actually happened – but my brain formulated another possibility.

what if we were actually years in the future, both in our 80’s or 90’s or something, and in a home, in reality, just not OUR home. and budnik had long passed, but we were both so riddled with dementia that we saw this poor nurse at the home AS BUDNIK. so when he was on the couch between us watching tv he really was, it’s just that wasn’t some new release, but rather some old show they piped in to chill us all out and give us something to stare at, and he was just in his scrubs chilling with us, but we saw him as a dog?

it would make the fact he sat like this half the time to watch tv make a bit more sense…

i mean, seriously – what dog sits like that? this is a better shot, same pose, same couch, DIFFERENT YEAR…

and the checking in thing? that would also explain that behavior, and i started to notice it happened pretty much nightly. was my job, my car, all the traffic and clients and work drama and bullshit all just a matrix-esque delusion and i was really just hopped up on good shit at the springfield retirement castle? the more i started to really mentally drill down on it, the more it seemed to make sense.

now, i’ll admit, i gave up adding on to this theory years ago. but i always kinda wondered about it, until last easter, of course.