if it tastes like shit… (a throwback)

Author: sean M Published: September 19, 2024 0 comments

i never coulda made this up…

…not in a million years. twenty-one years later i still don’t get it.

09/19/2003: “a venti cat shit with whip”

i don’t drink coffee. well, not as a rule. occasionally, sure…but it’s no regular thing. so this isn’t NEW news, i suppose, but it is new to me…

it’s called “kopi luwak”…or “coffee luwak” here in the states. and while it’s a delicasy, and rare, and all the other hallmarks of stuff i tend to gravitate towards, this is something i want no part of. for one thing, this stuff sells for $110 a pound if you just get unroasted beans. ROASTED beans go for $175 a pound at the Mendocino coffee shop in san francisco.

i knew cali folk were nuts, but almost two bills for a pound of coffee beans? does jack’s stalk grow forth if you throw them in the back yard? and wait till you hear the story. let’s play wild kingdom for a second…

Weighing four to 11 pounds, the common palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphrodites) is a smallish carnivore that lives largely in the trees, where it emerges at night to forage alone for a mixed diet of fruit, insects, and small mammals. While often described as catlike, palm civets could probably better be thought of as an Asian version of a raccoon or one of the raccoon’s tropical relatives like a coati or kinkajou.

you won’t like where this is going…

see, those little raccoon / cat looking creatures can also be found in mass quantity around coffee plantations. why? because their favorite snack in the world is coffee cherries. unbeknownst to me, the coffee BEAN is actually the pit of the fruit. now, when i eat a cherry that has a pit in it, i chew up the fruit and then spit out the pit.

but spitting is so uncivilized…and we all know how civilized asian folk tend to be.

again, you WON’T like where this is going…

On coffee plantations, palm civets dine heavily on coffee cherries. However, they are not pests because palm civets digest only the outer pulp of fruit, passing the coffee beans unharmed through their digestive systems. And because palm civets repeatedly deposit their droppings in piles at the same spots, the coffee beans are easily collected.

did you catch that “…passing the coffee beans unharmed through their digestive systems” line? that’s right…they EAT the fruit, and SHIT the bean. but since, much like corn in a human, the bean passes through all clean and polished and pristine, it looks good enough to eat. or roast. or drink. one last line from this article…

Kopi luwak is reputedly the best of all coffees because palm civets pluck and eat only the most perfectly ripe cherries!

hey…at least it’s primo dropping, right? i wonder if this is where the term “this is GOOD shit” originated. so, next time you’re in starbucks, see if you can get them to make you up some of this. i’ll just stick to booze…

Replies: 4 Comments

I live and die for my coffee, and the more exotic and tasty, the better. Even I’LL draw the line there.

kathi said @ 09/21/2003 12:04 PM CST

LABRADOR

Stinky Teeth said @ 09/20/2003 09:21 PM CST

okay, i’ll eat oysters,gumbo, and all kinds of stuff, but that shit(no pun intended) is just nasty!!!

shane said @ 09/19/2003 11:04 PM CST

I think Dave Barry wrote a piece about those beans years ago. either way, it still don’t compare to ‘colon blow’ blend.

-g. said @ 09/19/2003 06:29 PM CST

if it tastes like shit… (a throwback)

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