don’t ask unless you wanna know (a throwback)

love can be a negative thang…

wait…let me re-phrase that. love can have a negative side. no…that sounds bad, too. okay, let’s just be blunt; sometimes, in dealing with the one that means the most to you, you’ve just gotta say, “no”. i’m not talking about all the threesomes we guys get denied with your old friend from college. or the time we COULD have had a porn star pose for a polaroid with us but the idea was vetoed. i’m talking about saying “no” OUT of love. there are certain questions you just CAN’T say “yes” to when that special someone asks you. an example (or ten)

1. did you think that waitress was pretty?
2. was your last boyfriend “bigger” than me?
3. do you think i need a boob job?
4. is this basketball game more important than our relationship?
5. would you ever go out with a girl that slutty?
6. what? would you rather go hang out with your friends than hang out with me?
7. do you love this car more than you love me?
8. should i change my hair?
9. you don’t think my room mate is cuter than me, do you?

and the original one:

10. do these jeans make my ass look fat?

and then there’s the ones that don’t go so much in a relationship, but we always say, “no” to, like:

“are you some kind of homophobe?”

this is, of course, followed by a list of EVERYBODY the person’s dealt with in the last nine years to validate the fact that they’re far from. same goes for:

“are you racist or something?”

all of a sudden you get a laundry list of every urban cd they own, or everyone they dealt with through their entire educational history…or whatever.

but back to the relationship ones…can you think of any i missed? admittedly i nailed nine for ten the questions guys face…but sue me, i’m straight and have never had to answer the ones you ladies do. help me out here. that’s why i have a comment section, ya know…

Replies: 3 Comments

there is always “am i not enough for you?”

? said @ 08/22/2003 11:07 PM CST

Can anyone ELSE make you come like that? (most often used, immediately after the throes of the faked orgasm) —

Did you ever fuck him/her (quoth the new, still insecure flame when faced with your “good friend,” who happens to be your ex)?

Were you there when all your friends hired the whores on South Congress (or whatever red-light district happens to be the seediest in your corner of the earth)?

Did that stripper turn you on?

You don’t mind if I videotape this, do you?

Have you ever been committed/arrested/incarcerated?

kathi said @ 08/22/2003 10:15 PM CST

I think you’ve got it all covered. that’s why I come here for references.