goony goo goo (clean up that goo!)

you’ve heard of “boomers”, but have you heard of “gooners”?

i hadn’t until recently and, to be honest, i was better off without it. although, in hindsight, there wasn’t a cool term, or, at least, singular word term, for it until this to my knowledge.

the term is used for people who chronically masturbate, which i’ve always just known as “chronic masturbaters”, but now appear to be called “gooners” because “gooning” has become the term for people that sometimes do it for hours at a time. i’m not gonna lie, the equation of “working from home + high speed internet + pornhub going free for a bit there = goons galore” makes sense to me. hey, when opportunity knocks, right?

this article talked about the gooners on the road, who now travel for work but take their habit, and the copious amount of toys they apparently require, on the road with them. these folks go to extremes – projecting videos onto the shower curtain, watching online, the hotel tv, and even plastering magazine spreads up all over the bathroom walls. that caught me in the feels, as that was the only thing we had when i hit masturbatory age – the magazines. i had quite the collection for a while there.

i stopped with those once i lived on my own and could get vhs tapes reasonably. well, that and a three pack i had been gifted by a friend (he worked there and it was my birthday) and i was unaware that some places bought back titles in “pristine” condition, so i was shocked to realize that one of the titles i had was razor edited – i.e. someone had put razor slits in the cleavage, or vagina, or mouth of the photo so you could, risking a paper cut of course, take care of yourself with it.

never bought a another magazine like that again.

i worked in a porn store for five hours and some change. from 7am to lunch, then i was let go after lunch for not greeting EVERY customer that came through the door. for my money, once you interrupt a customer three times to greet people walking in the door (and there are an alarming amount between seven and nine in the morning) so after the third one everyone got a nod or a wave, but nothing verbal, and that’s not their policy, so i was let go for letting a couple folks “slip through without a proper hello”. this place was always the stuff of lore because they had an ad on the back of every austin chronicle bragging about how they started at $15 an hour at a time when most jobs paid a third of that. so, in a way, i was upset to not get it. but after having a guy old enough to be my dad ask me if we had videos of “chicks from ‘nam that were old enough, but didn’t LOOK old enough, and like to take it in the pooper” before eight in the morning? yeah, it was okay to pass…

…but i digress.

i wonder what line takes you from “i jerk off” to “gooning”? how many toys you buy? traveling with porn? am i the only one new to this word?