jackin’ that ass (a throwback)

yesterday i went and saw the movie jackass. when i saw the mtv show was being made into a movie, i had NO interest. hell, i don’t think i’ve ever made it all the way through one of the shows…how the fuck am i supposed to make it through a ninety-minute movie? this point was re-emphasized about half way through the intro scene. TONS of laughter all through the theater…and i was just sitting there. “am i THAT old?”, i wondered. “am i THAT out of what’s funny today?”

nope…just had to wait a bit.

by the end of it, my face hurt i laughed so much. i can’t tell you ANY of the names of the jackass crew, with the exception of the three i knew going in (johnny, steve-o, and wee man) but other than that i have new found respect for these folks and their own version of “art”. okay. NOW i sound old. so, fuck it, i’m gonna ruin a scene for you…

he stuck a hot-wheels car in his ass.

one of the guys, who’s name i can’t remember, put a little blue corvette in a condom, lubed up generously, and parked it somewhere i can only hope the artist formerly know as the artist formerly known as prince never parked a little red one…but let’s face it, he probably has. then he went and got x-rays done.

“i was partying with some frat boys and passed out…i haven’t been able to walk right ever since”.

upon discovering what was “lodged” in the place where only the most trained of customs agents (or hookers) can find it, the doctor phoned a colleague (or his wife..but someone) and was explaining what he was looking at and getting kinda creative with the history of said photo. then he came out to tell the young, sick lad, what to do….

“go to the doctor (sorry, guy…and you would do WHAT for a living, again?)…tell no one. (points at cameraman) he already knows…that’s one TOO many.”

good to know he was as concerned about the boys rep as the boys ass.

and that’s just one segment.

so, if you’re that part of the population that laughs at people when they bust their ass (approximately 92%, by my estimation…figuring in the sightless and all) then you’ll enjoy this one. and you don’t even need to do the courtesy of stopping to make sure they’re okay. ’cause if they WEREN’T, it would have ended up on the cutting room floor. which brings to mind another, more scary thought.