k-mas

ah, dinner with kramer. does it get more whore material rich then dinner with kramer? i mean, except for if i wake up amongst two strippers, a midget, a three camera set-up and a wal-mart smiley faced wading pool filled with pudding. THAT would beat it.

then again, so would a good concert. or street preachers. or mimes when i have a bat in the car and there’s nary a cop in sight. shit…where WAS i going with this? oh well…the bottom line is, monday night, i skipped the gym to go grab dinner with kramer. but at least he was paying, right?

wait…fuck…i paid for my OWN roast beef sandwich. kinda took it coming and going on this one, didn’t i?

this is the time of year i kinda feel for the man. i mean, as a professional astrologer and all, this is when most people come to him to see what the new year brings to the table for them. i have to admit, even i’m guilty of it…will i make money? will my love life blossom? will i hit the lotto? will i end up with a lucrative film offer? will i fall for the “they’re just art photos” line even AFTER i see the group of female midgets in clown costumes waiting for me to get naked so they can smear me with bleu cheese dressing?

maybe y’all should forget i asked that last question. that NEVER happened. i swear. let’s move on…

but my question is (and i don’t just do this to make kramer money…even if he did give me a porno sluts calendar and a “jesus did it for the chicks” t-shirt for xmas) do we all really reset our personal counters today? (understand this started off being written monday night and is being finished on wednesday afternoon and a LOT of booze and cigars and other, for the sake of the law let’s NOT mention what has been drank, smoked, whatever in the interim. or soon after i post this. or something)

i mean, it’s jan 1st, 2k3. that’s the start of the 2k3 year. but go back a bit in our histories (further back for some, not so much for others) and january wasn’t viewed as the start of the year…september was. remember the first day of high school? looking in the mirror while you got ready and you swore this YEAR was gonna be different…it was gonna be YOUR YEAR? well, looking at it in the calendar since, you were only giving yourself a THIRD of a year before Jan 1. no WONDER so many feel like failures in that prozac nation of ours. we set a year’s worth of goals for four months; and if they weren’t reached, you had to ask yourself the question i’ve been asking myself about things lately…

“which came first…the crash or the burn?”

or better yet, if you weren’t BORN on jan 1st, you’re already short-changing yourself somewhere along the line. your first year started on your birthday. why not ‘reset” then? fates bless the capricorns, huh? of course, everyone tends to lump their xmas and birthday gifts together, so they have that misfortune…but if you think about it, don’t you know a WHOLE lot of cap goal achievers? it’s because the start of THEIR year and THE year correspond so well.