sean was a groovy guy

i’m sitting here in my underwear and i wanna talk about death…

…okay, so that’s not a hundred percent true.

i’m fully dressed…

(a friend, circa 1989 or so, used that on one of those “teen chat lines” you used to see advertised on late night MTV and made teen age girls hang up their phones en masse as a result…no small feat in the pre-texting era!)

…but i do wanna talk about death.

i couldn’t picture going any other way than cremation, which makes me wonder what i should do about the grave plot i bought when mom passed. they really have you at that point, ya know? you just lost a loved one (in hindsight i really wish i’d cremated her) and you gotta buy some real estate, but you don’t want her to be all alone, do you? never mind the fact it’s not actually HER…it’s just a shell she occupied while breathing; at the time that line of thinking couldn’t be further from you. hell, at the time i was borderline offended that teri didn’t want a plot with us, but i’d be damned if i was gonna leave mom alone for all eternity…

…seventeen years later i view things a bit differently.

but what do you do with the ashes?

everybody scatters them somewhere. that’s been done to death (pun intended). the ufc heard about a thing where they can shoot ’em out of a cannon, which ain’t bad – but i found a solution that’s much more me…

…vinylly. and no, snob-ass spell check, that’s not a typo.

it’s a wonderful company that will take your ashes to a pressing plant and have them pressed into clear, virgin vinyl so your remains can live on in somebody’s record collection.

i like this. a lot. only two drawbacks, but i found a way around one of ’em…

first off, the $4600 price tag includes them pressing you into THIRTY records. i can’t think of thirty people i’d leave that to now, and as time goes by and people die that list will shrink even more. i mentioned this to the ufc and she said “do a double album”, which is a good idea…and if the list shrinks enough maybe i’ll do a triple. hell, smashing pumpkins did a triple, as did nine inch nails…i figure on my way out i can get away with it, especially since tracks from both will probably end up on it.

the second thing? eventually the people i’ll leave these to will die…then what? they’ve got ME in their fucking record collection and have to worry about who i end up with? i’d like to think i wouldn’t end up in the goodwill donation box, but you never know…and i don’t know how i feel about that.