d.r.e.a.m. (debt rules everything around me)

i am really fucking tired of being really fucking broke all the fucking time…

…but it should only be another year if i can put up with it that long.

i love my job. seriously. that’s not some motivational, self-help shit. but i hate my pay. for the amount of “work” i do i’ve never been paid this little since i was a record store clerk, and that was far less work and infinitely less wear and tear on my ride. but despite my love of music it wasn’t nearly as fun and my boss was a dick.

so at least there’s those positives to this gig.

as long as all runs smooth in my world all is well…but the big hiccup with the car hydrolocking to start the summer meant i am now constantly a mortgage payment behind. and i’ve never caught up on the toll bill, which has resulted in monstrous (as in $5K) worth of fees and fines that i now get to try to negotiate down. and the recent mechanical bullshit meant some other bills didn’t get paid. but if all had run smooth, none of these problems would be around…but now, they are.

welcome to my world.

one of the additional positives of dating the ufc (in addition to the wonderful company, mind-numbing sex, etc) is i actually find myself really wanting better myself to be a better boyfriend to her, and part of it is trying to get financially better off BEFORE she moves in, which with our combined finances will make both our worlds a shit-load better. a sign things are better? i wouldn’t be freaking out over the little orange postcard i got the other day.

you know the ones, right?

the ones they leave in your mailbox telling you that you have a letter you have to sign for at the post-office ’cause you weren’t at home when they delivered your mail. it rarely signifies good news, and when you know you’ve got some heavy shit out there you always assume the worse…

…are the toll road people dropping something ahead of my “end of august” deadline?

…are the mortgage people threatening foreclosure even though i’ve made two full payments since the one i missed?

you just don’t know – normally there’s a clue ’cause the postcard says who sent the letter, but they conveniently left that part off. it came in thursday, and friday i left the house and forgot the damn postcard so it had to get pushed off till today…

…so today i shall go sign off on it when i drop a poster i sold on eBay.

i’ll post a comment to end the suspense on this when i know what the fuck this is – but i can’t wait till my life gets to the point where those little orange postcards don’t scare me!