the “M” stands for “motherfucker”, i guess…

the title of this was ACTUALLY supposed to look more like this…

the

stands for “motherfucker”

but i can’t put graphics in the title line.

try as i might i’ll never understand why people feel they can curse in front of me. don’t get me wrong, you most certainly can…hell, i’ve never met the person who can actually offend me verbally. but that’s people that KNOW me. once you know me, you damn well know there’s nothing you can say that’s gonna offend me.

but how do strangers interpret that out of me so easily? regardless of how i’m dressed? it’s been happening my whole adult life and i just don’t get it.

this happened recently when i went in to mcdonald’s. all i wanted was a soda – i had thai take-out in the car, but i didn’t have anything to drink back at the shop…i love the coke from mcdonald’s, and they all have that “any size drink only a $1” deal, so i came in. there was a sign on the door that said “NO credit cards – CASH ONLY!”. not a biggie – i’ve always kinda felt like a loser when i had to reach for the check card there anyway. i dig in my pocket and pull out a dollar, a nickel, and two pennies…exact change for my transaction.

as i walk up to the counter the drive-thru woman (a foot shorter and a hundred pounds bigger than me) waddles out to the counter with her headset on to address her co-worker who i’m PRETTY sure was just about to say “can i help you?”:

this some bull-SHIT up in here. motherfuckers cussin’ and cursin’ at me just ’cause our motherfuckin’ computers are down and shit…and so they have to pay CASH and shit…God for motherfuckin’ bid, and then i have to WRITE down their order and carry that shit back up in the kitchen? oh, HELL no…this some bullshit – we just need to shut this broke motherfucker down for the night and take our asses the fuck home…fuck all this shit!

and i’m just standing there. four feet away. looking at her. she turns to me, looks at her friend, and says…

so, are you gonna help this motherfucker or what?

before i can respond you here the drive-thru beep. (not so) little miss potty mouth holds up a finger like i need to wait to speak so she can take a drive-thru order…

welcome to mcdonald’s…

before she can eek out “can i take your order?” the guy starts listing off enough combo meals (and additions and subtractions to them) to feed a family of six – she cuts him off…

sir, before you go any further…(wait – he gets “sir” and i get “motherfucker”?)…our computers are down, so you need to order slower so i can write this down AND we can’t take credit cards so this will have to be cash, okay?

no response on the speaker – just the squealing of tires and i look up to see a chevy equinox shoot by the window where you typically pick up food at about thirty miles per hour…

see, that’s the kind of motherfuckin’ bullshit that’s been going on all damn night!

then they both look at me…i don’t let them say another word…

i just need a large coke – to go. (i put down my exact change) here’s a dollar seven, exact change for my MOTHERFUCKIN’ order so just give me my MOTHERFUCKIN’ cup and i’ll be on my MOTHERFUCKIN’ way!

they both burst out laughing…and gave me my cup for free.

i guess that would be MOTHERFUCKIN’ charm at work, huh?