little people of the world, unite and take over (if you can reach things)

so, i tried to be helpful…

…dopey me.

a “friend” (meant in the “facebook” sense of the word, not in the “we actually hang out” sense of the word) put a thing up on her page lamenting that she didn’t know what to get a friend and enlisting the help of anybody reading to come up with a gift for “a girl who has everything”.

my response?

a pretty bag to put it all in? or maybe a midget to carry it all for her?

i thought it was a nice gesture. it’s not like i know said girl anyway (i don’t think) but i’d like to think i might have helped make her birthday brighter…

…apparently not. why? ’cause i used (what was referred to in a rather heated email as) “the M word”.

what the fuck?

apparently much like gays don’t like the word “faggot” (which makes sense, as it’s not normally said in a nice way) and blacks don’t like the word “nigger” (which makes sense for the same reasons) midgets now don’t like to be called “midgets”. they like to be called “little people”.

i guess maybe because it contains the word “people” and that way we’ll remember midgets were people, too? did anybody forget that?

here’s the deal…not every little niche group gets to be offended by the common term for said niche group. much like normal names (steve, katherine, bob) are giving ways to more “original” names (dakota, cayden, liberty) people now want to unburden themselves of the labels for their groups…and that’s bullshit.

midgets are just fucking midgets. it’s not meant to be derogatory. it’s not meant to be mean. it’s just what you fucking are. embrace it.

white people aren’t trying to be called “melanomically challenged”. we irish are still irish. we drink a lot. we curse a lot. and if you tick us off, there’s a good chance we’ll punch you in the face. we know this. you know this. and when relationships go bad with us, YOU have to break it off. as matt damon said in the departed, “i’m irish…i can suffer forever”.

that’s no bullshit. but, i digress…

ME is 5’0″. another girl i know is 4’11”. these are “little people”. the person i was suggesting this girl hire is a fucking MIDGET, not a “little person”. under 4’10” is a midget. google it. i didn’t make up the rules, i just abide by them. well, at least this one. and if anything, it was cool of me to suggest because in this economy i can’t figure an unemployed midget has a leg up (as it were) compared to me, and i’ve been looking for a while. i was trying to stimulate the economy, and i get blasted for it.

fuck all that – get back in that tree and make me some fucking cookies, midget!

(love y’all…mean it!)