yeah, here we go again…

i think i got duped last week…

…these things happen.

had a job interview on st. patrick’s day. i was even sober for it (believe it or not – maybe that’s where i fucked up?) i thought it went well; the guy seemed to really like me. but as the interview was wednesday, and the gig starts TOMORROW, the fact i haven’t heard anything makes me think this didn’t happen…which as it was another “sit in a little box and answer phones” gig i don’t know if it NOT happening is necessarily a bad thing.

although with only one more unemployment payment showing in the till i’m getting kinda nervous about my financial picture.

but for those of you millions of other americans who are “on the dole” as brit folk say there are ways to fulfill your obligations (i.e. look for work, interview, etc) and still get the government check. i’ve done this before, but let me again present a new list of…

tips for staying unemployed after a job interview

6. keep austin weird! – you got good ink? fun piercings? don’t be afraid to show ’em off…or discuss ’em. or BOTH! (if you’re not local ignore this one)

5. fun footwear – maybe this is where i screwed up last week. green and white vans, the larger part of which were white with a clover pattern made out of skulls. what? i’m irish, and it was saint fucking pat’s!

4. smoke ’em if you got ’em – no smoking? if you don’t see a sign, i don’t see where that rule comes into play during an interview. they can be nerve-racking…and nothing calms your nerves like sweet lady nicotine!

3. clarity is the key – employers like an employee that isn’t afraid to ask when they don’t perfectly understand something. it’s called being “detail oriented”. do they drug test? ask ’em. do they mean REAL drugs? like only needle drugs? weed doesn’t count, right? ask ’em. make sure. never hurts to know what they’re wanting out of you.

2. quote cartoons – everybody has their own interests…show you’ve used your “down time” while jobless by cleaning the dvr. quote some family guy. some south park. this shows the employer you can remember things…and all employers like a good memory.

1. never underestimate the power of profanity – in most interviews they will inevitably ask how you rank yourself with certain job activities…simply repeat back what they said, followed by “fuck that shit!”. an example:

how do you rank yourself when it comes to customer service?
pfft! customer service? fuck THAT shit!