for shizzle my nizzle in g-zizzle

back in the old days (when i started doing this shit in 2k2) kramer had me “encode” bullshit stories with the phrase “dude, true story” at the end so at least HE would know i just made that shit up…

…sadly, i ain’t makin’ this shit up.

so, i was hanging out in the tattoo jointwhere harold works and i ended up talking to some customers while they were getting their ideas together. girl wanted a tramp stamp (which the counter guy kept calling a “lower back tattoo” out of respect, but as SHE kept calling it a “tramp stamp” he relented and did the same) with a butterfly in the middle and was VERY adamant that there needed to be LOTS of red, and ABSOLUTELY no blue. could not stress that enough…

…i had to play with that.

“yeah, you don’t want any BLUE in that butterfly…hate for your tramp stamp to show any CRIP loyalty or anything!”, i said…and without missing a beat she said, “ya know? my man would FLIP the fuck out if i came home with any enemy colors on me and shit…”.

i calmly pointed out that her friend, who was black (she was merely white trying desperately to act as stereotypically black as she could) that she had BLUE contacts, BLUE acrylic nail tips, and even a BLUE phone. she jumped in quickly and said, “yeah, but my man ain’t like that…her man be thuggin’ it up in gonzales…”

this was when i had to stifle a laugh. gonzales, while significant in texas history (more on that in a second) has a population of barely 7,500 people (in their defense last census was taken ten years ago, so they MIGHT be in the five figures now – but if so, just barely…)

back to the historical thang – gonzales is where the “first shot of the texas revolution was fired” when general santa ana (no relation to santa claus) demanded the townspeople surrender a small cannon they had been given to use against indian attacks (back when they weren’t just crying by roadsides or owning casinos) and the residents refused to give it up, instead making a flag with said cannon at the center and the now famous phrase “come and take it” below it (see historical rendering below):

so, in that vein, i turned back to the BWB (black wanna be) and said, “if your man is rolling in g-zizzle like THAT, we should do a glock tattoo on this stomach with “come and take THIS” arched above it!”

who would take such a ludicrous idea seriously?

answer: SHE would.

“OOOoooo…that’d look tight! how much that cost?”

that was when i realized sarcasm and stereotype was TOO lost on this one. that’s when i just walked away.