toilet humor

don’t worry, this isn’t as bad as the title implies…

…it probably should have been called “toilet [paper] humor” in hindsight.

maybe i just led a sheltered life as a kid, but i remember the only choice you really had to make when you wanted toilet paper was brand.

that’s not that confusing.

then there’s the type – ultra strong? ultra soft? with lotion? with aloe? vitamin e? how many different types of moisturizer do you need back there, anyway?

(this is where i was supposed to put a joke about them making a kind with numbing gel women could use before anal sex to make it less uncomfortable but i thought it was too tacky)

none of the above really confuses me – know my brand, know my type…i figured the roughest part was behind me (pun intended)…but NO!

then comes the packaging…why can’t a roll just be a roll? nope, they have to have big rolls, jumbo rolls, mega rolls, all in various packages to make it even MORE confusing! easy enough if you’ve got six LARGE rolls and six GIANT rolls – “giant” has to be more than “large”, right? but nopers – it came down to whether or not i needed to buy the nine pack of large ($4.99) or the six pack of jumbo ($3.99).

this is where my store screwed up – ’cause on the same aisle, but opposite side, of all the paper goods is the school supplies section, where they have CALCULATORS…

(…and yes, i know my phone has one as well, but i’d left it at home)

i figured regardless of mega or jumbo or super or whatever prefix a “roll” had a sheet is a sheet is a sheet…and all the packaging tells you how many sheets that roll gives you. so i took amount of sheets per roll and multiplied by number or rolls and found out the six pack (which was cheaper) had more sheets than then nine pack (which were smaller rolls) for less money.

that’s a no-brainer! or, more technically, a “half brainer” since you had to use your brain to figure this out.

so why can’t we just go back to letting a roll be a roll? level the playing field and stop making me actually THINK about this crap!

(okay, that last pun wasn’t intended!)