yeah, i know…they need lovin’, too

i saw the commercial and just HAD to do this…

…fox has a new dating show coming out in july called “more to love” where bigger girls and a bigger bachelor hook up – ’cause we all know that nobody ever watches those shows for eye candy, right?

how the hell did THAT casting ad look?

“are you hungry and horny and looking to satisfy BOTH of your appetites while humiliating yourself in front of the nation on network tv? then come on down! nobody under size 18, buffet starts at noon!”

or something like that.

it got me thinking – what other avenues can we go down here? clearly they’re desperate for summer programming; and while bigger gals have their niche demographic, so do others, as internet porn variety has taught us. and speaking of internet porn, i came up with some of these pre-blowing a three way tie in wii tiger woods (i botched a ten foot put and fell a stroke behind) at shane’s. shane’s ideas all centered around crack whores and ex-cons…perhaps i’ve hit this well to often?

let’s move on…

there’s tons of “niche” groups after there, and i guess due to the “obesity epidemic” (which is the most bullshit term ever concocted by the modern media) they decided to go fat first…but what’s next?

(“whole lotta rosie” from ac/dc to start my morning as i write this…all about the inspirational soundtrack, especially on a sunday, am i right? she ain’t exactly pretty, she ain’t exactly small…42-39-56…you could say she got it aaaalllll!!!)

6. love is blind – you might THINK you see where i’m going with this (pardon the pun) but you probably don’t. i don’t want ALL the contestants blind – just the bachelor. all the girls are just plain hideous, but get to try and win him over by personality…at least on the first two episodes. third one we let him do that creepy “feeling of the face” thing blind people do, and eliminate half of ’em at once!

5. romancing the stoned – so many of these shows drug test their contestants…we will, too, but if you’re clean, you’re OUTTA HERE! just the dinners out will make for good viewing; the house shots of afternoon-long cartoon network marathons not so much. philosophical debates as to whether or not jesus could microwave a burrito so hot that not even he could touch it. yes, i’ll use shane as the bachelor on this and NO, he didn’t come up with the idea…but he’ll be kinda pissed he didn’t when he reads this.

4. bromance – if i can actually be somewhat serious for a moment, why has there never been an all gay show like this…or has there and i’ve missed it? now, before you hit the comments section, i would MUCH rather watch a lesbian show (provided they’re of the “lipstick variety”) than a gay one, but i couldn’t come up with a catchy name for it…and to any lawmaker reading this, LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE…but wait quite a while to legalize gay divorce.

3. free love – one girl, a dozen guys, and ALL of ’em (including the girl) have only been “on the outside” (i.e. out of prison) for less than a week. bet there’s none of that “wait till the third date” shit here. hell, i got the last girl i dated in the shower by date number two…and i’ve never “been inside” in THAT sense of the phrase…so this one could get hot! steamy romance and bad tattoos – what more could viewers want? only on fox!

2. my love don’t cost a thing – one geeky-ass millionaire looking for his trophy wife, a couple dozen potential trophy wives…who all happen to be former prostitutes. he doesn’t know…until about the fifth episode when we let him on it. yes, this killed off shane’s two ideas back to back…originally i was gonna do this with strippers, but then i realized the whole stripper angle has been done to death by “rock of love”.

and finally…

1. bring out the gimp – one horny, internet-fetish-surfing geek and EVERYTHING you thought you could only see online! amputee porn stars, that girl with the two inch nipples, midgets, maybe conjoined twins – anything goes EXCEPT normal! watch for the perversion, the shock value, or to see that while your ass is all alone even these freaks can get some! jim rose hosts…