semi pseudo flashback bit…sorta

ah, september 11th…

…makes you think of towers. erect. upright. standing tall. as long as we’re gonna be THAT phallic:

let’s undo (or redo) something that’s always bugged me.

i once posted a quiz you could print up and give to a perspective mate. the original had matching, true/false, multiple choice, and short answer. it basically jived out to not date shane (totally unfair and not the interpretation i was going for, but that was how he saw it and in hindsight that’s kinda what it looked like) or any of my exes at the time (jury’s still out on that one).

not a bad idea, really – but when i googled it (long before the archives got shitflushed by the pseudo hip fucktards at fartcow) i could never find it. tried eight different ways to sunday and no dice. shit, i even took a sunday afternoon to look through the archives (then almost 1400 entries strong) and nada. my guess was that feckin irish whiskey (the last of my juneteenth gift from shane, and strong enough to strip the varnish of my bar when i spilled some earlier) would provide adequate mental inspiration to kick this pig back into gear. some of the questions are verbatim repeats from the previous one (which has to be at least five years old so how i remember this shit i have no idea) and others are new. i took out the short answer and matching so it doesn’t scare a prospective mate off from it’s length alone and made the “scoring section” (detach that before handing this off to someone) a bit more comprehensive. let’s see how this goes…

~~~~~~~~to date, or not to date – that is the question~~~~~~~~~

multiple choice:

1. which of the following have you been legally prescribed and are currently still taking (scoring at a rave or party doesn’t count…)

a. geodon
b. xanex
c. prozak
d. all of the above
e. none of the above

(if none of the above, write what you HAVE been prescribed here:__________________________)

2. which of the following sites have you had (or still have) dating profiles on:

a. craig’s list
b. eHarmony
c. singles.net
d. adultfriendfinder.com
e. this one:________________________

(feel free to fill in the blank on “e” if none of these apply)

3. when i say the letters “P-O” you automatically think of…

a. “pissed off”
b. a place you get your mail
c. an appointment on the third tuesday of the month you CAN’T miss

4. your therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist says the source of your problems is mainly:

a. society
b. childhood / parental problems
c. drug / alchohol Abuse
d. sexual tension
e. i don’t have a therapist

5. how many abortions have you had (female) or paid for (male)?

a. 0
b. 1
c. 2-5
d. more than five

TRUE – FALSE

6. going three for three (oral, anal, vaginal) is my kind of party. ____________

7. i know where we can get cheap ritas for happy hour. ____________

8. i know where we can get good weed for AFTER happy hour. ____________

9. i can’t act on 7 or 8 ’cause i have an appointment later this month that would conflict with. ____________
10. i have at least one bail bondsman’s card in my pocket as i answer this. ____________

____________________________________________________________________________________________

***SCORING (DETACH THIS PART BEFORE HANDING IT TO THAT POTENTIAL SPECIAL SOMEONE)***

multiple choice:

1. anything but “e” probably not so good…although the neurotic types do tend to be fabulous in bed. and if they had to write on the back ’cause they ran out of space filling in the blank with anything but “nothing”, “nada”, “n/a” or something similar, run away now!

2. a – bad sign ’cause it’s free; b – decent sign ’cause it’s not cheap; c – i have no opinion on either way; d – don’t get attached, but get you some!!! total sex site – i’ve had fun with women from there, but get attached and you’re fucked…not in the good way (learn from my mistakes on this one). if “e” with a blank filled in you’re on your own…

3. one from the old quiz – anything but “a” or “b” is probably not a good sign.

4. “d” could get you laid, but shoot for “e” to be safe.

5. “a” or “b” works for me – we all make mistakes (regardless of your moral high ground on this one) – on the upside “d” GUARANTEES you’ll get lucky, but also guarantees a condom regiment this side of a hazmat suit might not be a bad call.

true/false:

6. if “true”, why the fuck are you still reading my site? go get you some of that!!!

7. if “true”, not a bad call…

8. if “true”, still not a bad call…

9. if “true”, NOW a bad call!!!

10. WARNING (unless you’re shooting for shane, in which case he’s just playing off the averages)

go have fun – your education on the risks is now covered!!!