average sunday sixer (literally)

you know what you never hear from parents?

“my kid is just about average…”

or even more rare…

“my kid is so far below average it scare me”

seriously – every parent i know has to have their kid above average in something. i hate to break it to you – it’s impossible. by definition half your little shits have to be average or below…it’s kinda what “average” means. if everybody’s kid is “above average” intelligence, what are we using to get the average? world-wide intelligence, including countries that the last three generations haven’t had schooling, and those newly found “uncontacted” tribes in the amazon? factoring in the six year olds in THAT tribe your kid could kick their ass on the pre-K SATs?

way to shoot for the stars…

half the parents reading this have to face it – your kid is not the next einstein or nolan ryan…someone, in fifteen years, is gonna have to ask me if i want to super-size my combo meal, and it could very well be sleeping in the nursery of your house right now…

(RUN!!!)

…and i don’t mean he’ll be working his way through college. he might just be working towards that asisstant manager job before he turns thirty. that ought to scare the piss out of some of you.

today’s sunday sixer:

six signs your kid might be below average

1. he’s reading at a sixth grade level…and just started high school.

(you can always blame public schools for that one)

2. he celebrated his first father’s day two weeks ago…and starts his sophomore year in high school in the fall.

3. she’s only twelve and already owns two pairs of clear heels…

(which only goes to show either shane or myself WILL be tipping your little girl some day)

4. she’s on DWI number three (and freshmen year number two) at the same time!

5. your kid spends more hours online playing games then he does out of the house with friends

(sorry, harold – i SO was not calling you out on that one…)

and finally…

6. your child looks at me (or shane, for that matter) as a role model!

(be afraid…be very, VERY afraid…)