weekend sixer

i LOVE the other bit today, but i can’t write this weekend, so here’s a bonus to help make it through til monday…

1. coolest bumper adornment: a sticker that said “Hoes Lie”. the killer part? it’s a razored-up re-do of a shoreline christian center sticker.

2. my quote of the day…when i walked into kramer’s casa de rolo (that’s spanish for trailer…maybe) i said, “life ain’t nothin’ but bitches and money…so if i have neither, does that mean i’m dead?” sometimes i can be philosophically deep. debate amongst yourselves if this was one of those times.

3. coolest experience of the day: the warhol display at the austin art museum. i’d been wanting to go since it opened in august, and it closes on sunday. i had begged several different people to go with me, all to no avail. casually mentioned it to kramer last night on my way out the door (i squeezed it in between several exasperated lines about my day that all contained the word “fuck” in them) and he was game, so away we went…

4. second coolest bumper adornment: a license plate frame that read, “tired of losing your balls? try disc golf”. and here i thought the second line would be, “stop dating”. finally a hippy made me laugh WITH him instead of AT him. who knew THAT was possible?

5. second coolest experience: checking out the rather weathered tribal tattoo above the rather nice ass of a waitress at green mesquite. don’t know her name (although thanks to kramer i know she’s a cancer) but DAMN that ink frames some lovely landscape. unfortunately, it was done by an artist of the heavy handed sort, so it’s ALL scar tissue. you can feel it raised up off the rest of the skin if you run your hand across it (as i did several times…and she didn’t seem to mind. lucky, lucky me). of course, we all know where i recommended she go to get it fixed. although now that i recall the experience, i’m not sure if the andy stuff beat this out of the top slot…

and finally…

6. cool xmas gift of the day: the chia pussy. a prosthetic vagina that starts off bald as i like ‘em, and then you rub the little seedlings on it and grow it to your preference…from a nice lil’ landing strip to a 70’s style bush that would make my old boss bob fuller proud. that way you can debate my now infamous pube poll in the privacy of your own home.