grunge snobs vs. hip-hop taco city

so, the i35 challenge is on…and it’s obvious who’s signed a deal with the devil. i’m sorry, but you just don’t hit 49 outta 50 when your season average is only in the eighty percentile. they missed the first, and then it was like, “okay satan…we’ll sign. just don’t let that happen again!!!”. i know wesley snipes said, “the sun’s even gonna shine on a dog’s ass every once and a while”, but that was one seriously sun burnt doggy rump by time the fat lady sung last night…

by the way, i’m talking about basketball…

i like basketball over other professional sports because i can’t realistically play it. same reason i like hockey, but we never had hockey ’round here when i was growing up, plus i can’t skate, so that’s just a total no-go. but i CAN run and jump and hit free throws (though not 49 outta 50), so with the exception of being 5’8″ and built more like a white football player, i could shoot some hoops. in fact, i have. but unlike baseball and particularly football, i didn’t have coaches hounding me all through high school and such to play basketball, so i tend to have a more positive attitude towards it. and with dallas playing san antonio for western supremacy, we are a state divided on either end of i35. so, who’s gonna reign supreme? the lost and enlisted or the cosmopolitan?

allow me to explain that last statement…

see, i have my theories of how the bigger urban areas in texas became bigger urban areas. see, austin is the center of government, so in the 60’s and 70’s all the hippies and protesters and such came here and made it a somewhat bohemian pile o’ folk that has that one odd kid from every small high school in texas all in one centralized location. it has more guitarists and massage therapists and such per capita then anywhere else in the state. they were here BEFORE the dot com invasion, and will be here LOOOOONG after the last lexus suv is sold off to somebody from houston to slap 20’s on.

speaking of h-town, it’s been my observation that houston consists of as many nationalities (and is segmented pretty similar to) l.a.. the difference is, these ethnic folks (and all the caucasians) would rather deal with air so humid you can gargle as you breathe then move to cali and deal with earthquakes and riots and such. it’s our little california, complete with beach areas and malls the size of mid-sized baltic states. it’s all about image. remember folks, the breast implant was invented in HOUSTON, not california. ’cause everything in texas just HAS to be bigger. they used to be the big spurs finals rival, but since all they have going for ’em now is a super-sized china man, they didn’t make the cut.

as for san antonio, i firmly believe the population can be divided into two types of folks. those who got transferred at some point in their military career to taco city and realized they could still wear shorts on xmas eve…then there’s my most recent theory about the masses who got off the expressway and couldn’t figure out how to get back on and just went, “fuck it…i’ll just stay here. maybe they tell residents how to hit the highway”. that’s why i call them the ‘lost and enlisted’. i guess, technically, that ‘and’ should be an ‘or’.

the reason i refer to dallas folks as ‘cosmopolitan’ is because the bulk of metroplex folk (more specifically dallas…ft. worth tends to be pretty laid back) tend to have a very east coast, almost new york attitude. much like you’re not from “NYC”, you’re from “brooklyn”, people won’t say they’re from dallas, but rather ‘mckinney’. or ‘plano’ or whatever chunk of fucking DALLAS they’re from. at my job we refer to everyone by sales region, which means ANYTHING in the 817, 214, 972, or whatever is dallas. this infuriates them. they’ll get over it. but now, back to basketball…

when i saw the lineup for the dallas mavericks (i have to admit, i hadn’t watched one of their games since they changed their colors to something more marketable in the hood and ditched mashburn and kidd) i figured this for a quick sweep…they had WAY too many white boys, and they all looked a bit scruffy. like an mtv rock n’ jock game back when alice in chains was on heavy video rotation. but they hit 49 of 50 free throws (can we say “deal with satan”?) and the grunge brothers sunk the mvp and all who’s jersey matched his. frightening. anyone out there wanna figure how many games we’re looking at? or am i the only nba fan in astrowhoreland?

Replies: 2 Comments

Fuck you Josh. SA in six. I too haven’t watched the Mavs in a coons age, but I saw the last game of their series and knew the Spurs weren’t in for any cakewalk. But when you hit half your free throws (or whatever the Spurs hit) and the other guys hit almost ninety nine percent, you’re gonna lose. Just the way it is.

The German is a motherfucker.

Toothache said @ 05/20/2003 09:37 PM CST

dallas in seven. fuck san antonio.

josh said @ 05/20/2003 04:47 PM CST