re-election? go communist!!!

ya know, i didn’t want it to happen. i didn’t. i swore it wouldn’t. i thought i fought it. but nature has overtaken me and there’s apparently not a lot i can do about it without some major intervention…i have inherited my mother’s pack rat side. HELP ME!!!

i knew she was bad, but never knew HOW bad until she passed away and i had to go through her stuff…ALL of her stuff. LOTS of stuff. i was floored by how much she had accumulated…and now i seem to be stuck in the same vicious cycle. on a similar note, i just cleaned out my car so i could load it with stuff for work, and took out two fist fulls of trash. that’s saying something, because my hands are pretty big.

the trash out of my car consisted of one empty burger king bag, and the rest was all POLITICAL ADS!!! about how rick perry is the devil. and how so-and-so, if i have the good sense to elect him as my rep or d.a. or whatever will cut my morning commute in half…and somehow improve my schools while lowering my taxes and at the same time making me feel safer in airports, all from a COUNTY POSITION…and we don’t even have a commercial airport here!!! now, THAT’S some skillz…

why do they feel they need to AD to my life’s pack-rattish accumulation?

lately i’ve been getting home later and later due to work or whatnot…you know what they say, “so many social engagements, so little time…” (name the movie that’s from…and josh, you don’t count). so i typically don’t even notice i HAVE mail until the next morning, when i just grab it and throw it in the car. very few bills, and very few catalogs for being so close to the holidays…

but damned if every joe-bob-elect-me isn’t taking up the slack in droves.

that’s why i’m voting for the fucking communists…they always run SOMEBODY, and they NEVER advertise. they don’t promise you anything, and they always deliver on it. plus, i know for DAMN sure he (or she) won’t win, so i feel i’m just giving them a false sense of hope…”don’t tease the animals…” my “sister” kathi kept telling me last night (NOT in discussions related to communism), but i feel in this case it’s not only acceptable, but kinda good.

plus, it’ll make me feel more special.

at the end of the night, when they show the hundreds of thousands of votes for the two big parties, and it starts to trickle down, i can look at ivan von lenin or whoever and see that number “102” by his name and realize that thanks to me and maybe another whore reader or three, we pushed them over the triple digit line for the first time since the thirties…and that, quite possibly, whore readers make up one to two percent of his votes…we would be a bona fide constituency…like seniors, but with bladder control and smaller cars.

so when election day comes, go with the people that don’t promise you squat…that way you KNOW they won’t let you down. i mean, haven’t you ever seen the irony in the guy that promises to help the environment sending you out a paper circular twice a week every week for the two months prior to the election? and they go to to EVERYBODY…how did he help THOSE trees?