“hump” day ramblings…guess who i target

so, yesterday, with the exception of a couple of pleasant phone chats (where everything from life to love to flying midgets in monkey suits smeared with pasteurized processed cheese food was discussed – best not to ask), was pretty lame. so on this morning’s entry, i WAS gonna go off on the christians again…

they’re an easy target, and by their own beliefs HAVE to forgive me…so that was the plan. it stemmed from walking out of the gym and having my car surrounded on both sides by cars with no less than FOUR christian signage things on the back of them. stickers. licence plate frames. window signs. like we don’t get the fucking point.

god bad, satan good…or was it the other way around?

maybe THAT’S a bumper sticker the church of satan should put out. or even better, since one of their doctrines is that “guilt” is a concept created by the “lets go to countries and peoples that have existed for THOUSANDS of years just fine and ‘civilize’ them with christianity just so that a few HUNDRED years later some loud-mouthed, long-haired, tattooed pierced guy can openly question our move as he ponders to himself aloud, ‘if they’re better civilized with christianity, where did all those tribes GO in such a short amount of time?'” people of the world…y’all follow that? sad when my digressions are so long they even kinda confuse ME. but anyway, one of the many stickers i saw around my car yesterday was:

“No Jesus? No Peace…KNOW Jesus, KNOW Peace!!!”

cute…they know how to use the words “no” and “know” properly…good thing as little kids they got that extra schooling on sunday, huh? so, how about we do this one on my car:

“No Jesus? No Guilt…KNOW Jesus, KNOW Guilt!!!”

bet that wouldn’t go over as well. i saw a guy on the road today on 360 with TWELVE christian-based bumper stickers on the back window of a toyota truck. there was no GLASS left. i guess that’s so he doesn’t have to see those unchristian-like finger gestures from me as he drove 45 mph in the fast lane of a 65 mph road. that’s what the stickers are for, kids…they KNOW we’re at our most primitive when we get behind the road in traffic; and much like the now wiped-out tribes of the rain forest, they want to do a little motor-missionary work and remind us that their god’s last name is NOT “damn” and that we need to let him back into our lives to truly know peace. and guilt. but never mind that second one. we don’t talk about that. that would be against the rules. or something.

wow…here i WAS gonna avoid picking on the christians and pick on the new apd speed trap…guess i’ll save that for later. i won’t bother mentioning how cool it was to have BRISKET, egg, and cheese breakfast tacos. something TREMENDOUSLY cool about brisket before 9:00 am.

i was also gonna go off on how nice i looked today (good sign when you can turn heads in a store at 8:40 am on a wednesday) since i’m dressed for the memorial service i have to speak at today (black semi-translucent shirt, grey chinos, black pradas – for those who care). the family ii wants me to read the “gram” astrowhore piece at her memorial service, as i mentioned, and who knows? maybe this will start a trend. maybe i could do a coffee house tour. is there anyone that would enjoy traveling the country with me, and then just sitting around and listening to me rant while smoking and drinking coffee? anyone out there think of THAT as a good vacation?

and by the way, if the well-stickered toyota guy IS reading, the gesture i gave you was VERY christian like…it was my finger representation of half a cross. the VERTICAL half…

Replies: 3 Comments

Dammit! where’s the new apd speed trap? some of us low-flying-jets need that vital bit of info. 😉

topenga said @ 07/11/2002 03:26 PM GMT

for MY eulogy, I would expect you to wear any damn thing you please, but hawaiian shirt and shorts would be fitting. Of course, I’d leave you my cigars in the will, a couple of Cubans, and you’re supposed to smoke one while delivering the speech, “he always said, ‘that’s my favorite sign’…”

astrofishy said @ 07/10/2002 05:21 PM GMT

you label-whore, you…..

the redhead said @ 07/10/2002 05:15 PM GMT