you can touch my yin, but buy me a drink before you reach for the yang…

“it is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today”

that was what the guy’s fortune said at the table across from me tonight at august moon. i know this because not only did he read it out loud (his back was to me, and his date (god help her) was facing me…this comes into play in a sec) but he then proceeded to wax “intellectual” about what that might mean and various ways in which it could be interpreted.

for about ten minutes.

TEN FUCKING MINUTES.

if only chop sticks had sharper points…

if this was there first date, i PROMISE it was their last….and if it WASN’T their first date, i bet it’s a step TOWARDS their last, because about half way through his diatribe she started looking over his shoulder at ME. and her look said four things….

1. can you believe this shit?
2. does he honestly think i am so stupid that i couldn’t have figured this one out on my own?
3. he is SO not getting any tonight.
4. help me….

how someone could sit and be talked down to (understand, he didn’t sound like he was philosophically pondering his fortune; but rather like he felt he had to explain it to his date so she would “get it”…eliminating all hope that he would “get it” later if you know what i’m saying and i think you do…) is beyond me. seems like after about six minutes she’d snap….i damn near did and i wasn’t even his direct target. but this is why i occasionally like to dine alone; don’t get me wrong, i love company when i can get it, but when you’re alone you’re forced to sit and observe others…and learn from THEIR mistakes.

(by the way, as if to seal his fate, she made a motion like she was gonna grab a plate to go off the buffet and said, “some for later…” to which he replied, “haven’t you had enough? or are we hitting the gym for THAT long later?” okay, DEFINITELY not the first date, i suppose…but just as equally DEFINITELY heading for the last if he’s gonna talk to her like that, right? but i digress…)

chinese food…there really is no grey area there, is there? it’s either really good, and you’ll go back to the place again and again; or it sucks really, REALLY badly. kinda like pizza (despite what baldwin boy said in the movie, “threesome”.) of course, i’ve heard rumor of kick-ass chinese; but that’s usually found in two place i’ve sadly never been but DO hope to see eventually..the bay area of san fran, and new york.

of course, bar-b-Q is kinda the same way…either really bad or really good. on the occasion i actually eat some when i’m NOT in lockhart (after obtaining the proper permits from my city for us l-town residents to eat smoked meats outside of the 78644 zip code) i’ve encountered both. but this isn’t about brisket and such, this is about sesame chicken. and pepper steak. and for once, i just wanna one day go to a buffet that’s ALL chinese. no catfish. or “fingers” (be them chicken or steak…not meant to bring the health department down on anyone). or those damn crawfish that kramer likes. JUST chinese. does it exist?

for the record, my top five fortunes (in no particular order) that i’ve ACTUALLY received are:

1. the person you are thinking of is also thinking of you.
(duh…hehehe…feed the ego…feed the ego…feed the ego)
2. you are gifted in many ways.
(of course…why else would she be thinking of me? oops…did i say that out loud?)
3. it is better to be silent and though a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.
(never lived by it…but it IS a classic)
4. support literacy…buy a box of fortune cookies today!!!
(lamest fortune EVER…but it gave me one of my first bits on this page)
5. a well directed imagination is the source of great deeds.
(this one hangs in the wall of my studio…and just might go on my headstone..unless the probable “HE FINALLY SHUT UP!!!” gets used instead)

Replies: 3 Comments

this week on “baby a’s drunkeness” we find our two heros locked in a battle with “flaming homosexual loud talkers”. what will happen next? only time will tell!

josh said @ 06/27/2002 01:59 PM GMT

yeah…why is it that i always get the crappiest people around my table when i go eat? oh well…at leas they’re not AT my table. see what baby a’s drunkeness brings this weekend, huh?

sean (still writing this stuff) said @ 06/27/2002 03:40 AM GMT

that’s almost as bad as the shrieking girls and their token queer friend at baby a’s.

josh said @ 06/26/2002 07:40 PM GMT