i gotta start selling cars…

i guess it’s all in my delivery, but for some reason those who don’t know me (and quite a few of those who do) will take just about anything i say seriously if i do it in the right tone of voice. i think i honed this skill after high school when i asked a girl to my senior prom, she said, “sure”, and two days later was all in la-la land ’cause this guy chuck asked her to the prom. when i said, “hey; i thought you were going with me”, she replied, “oh, sean…you were serious?” guess sometimes i joke around too much for my own good (and ended up skipping my own prom as a result of it), so i learned how to sound serious when i have to; or when it will make those i deal with more entertaining to me…

i went to the omni hotel in downtown austin for breakfast today. they have a buffet where if you take it to go, they just weigh your food and charge you $4.25 a pound. when i went up and through my little “to-go” box on the scale, it cost me $2.75. when he asked, “is that all ‘ya got?”, i answered, “yep…unless you count all the bacon i stuffed in my pockets…”

for a moment, he ACTUALLY believed me. i could see it in his eyes. scary.

i got a croissant, some fresh fruit, and bacon (that was in the box and NOT in my pockets) i always try and have that yin-yang thing going, and figured nothing balances good, healthy fruit like greasy, unhealthy bacon. plus, since you DO pay by the pound, bacon is the one thing you can lower their profit margin with. but i learned something else today:

watermelon is not a phone-friendly-food. not by a long shot. chet, do NOT try this at home.

i nibble off the croissant and bacon….no problem. some of the pineapple? no problem. my wedge of cantelope? (the cornerstone to any brunch, according to the simpsons), no problem. but then i take a big hunk-o-watermelon in my mouth. and THEN the tech support line i’m stuck on for the day rings.

so now, i’m trying to answer this nimrod’s questions (okay, so maybe that is being a bit cruel with the name calling…or maybe not), while facing the classic third-date chick issue (spit or swallow…keep all jokes to yourself…i am talking about watermelon, ya know) and i decide to have the best of both worlds with this (again…shut-up….keep in mind the subject matter) so i start working the mute button on the phone when i hit a seed, spitting it into my hand, and picking back up in time to say, “uh-huh” when she comes to a point where i should say, “uh-huh”. total seed count when it was all said and done? nine. nine fucking seeds in my hand off one small hunk o’ watermelon. and just so y’all can have one last perverted poke at this (he he he); yes, my hand was sticky at the end……y’all make me sick some times, you know that? disgusting perverts. i KNEW you were just like me…

Replies: 1 Comment

I am SO not like you.

no way said @ 03/29/2002 06:31 PM GMT