the plan and the problem

okay, so all week i’ve had to cover the jobs of one if not two other employees IN ADDITION to doing my gig…and all i kept thinking was, “at least the weekend is only hours away”. putting the personal issues about the weekend aside, it meant a break from work where i planned on cruising to the beach, and drinking to cushion the aforementioned personal issues. normally, i’m a big proponent of the whole, “face your shit sober…don’t uses booze as a crutch” philosophy; but do what i say, not what i do. i need to get loaded. THEN i find out i have to spend the weekend in laredo and the valley and corpus WORKING.now i had four issues:

1. i was craving chocolate milk.
2. needed to get drunk on THURSDAY, since i don’t have to go to work till about noon tomorrow.
3. i have a sxsw wristband i now need to find a home for (it’s free…mail if you’re interested and we’ll arrange something)
4. kimberly keeps sending me obscene IMs and she’s horny as hell and wanting me.

number one was solved with a phone call to my “sister” kathi. she recommended kahlua pre-mixed drinks because normal milk would curdle with real booze and get me sick. so, i bought a four pack of mudslides. i got about half-way down the road, decided to try one, opened it…and of course, drank it. then i remembered kathi’s “open container” speech (they DO taste like chocolate milk, btw..i recommend them), so i drank ALL FOUR in about ten minutes, and ditched the whole bag of empties at the next convenience store, about five miles down from the liquor store. no opens, no empties. now i’m a GOOD driver, right?

number two is a judgement call. their are several levels of drinks, depending on the way the day went and the upcoming days will go…i basically equate the amount you spend with the level of crap life dishes at you. beer or hard lemonade? about a 1.5-2.0. happy hour is about a 3.5. you get up to the 5.0-6.0 range with jim beam or bacardi rum drinks. hovering more in the 7.5-8.0 range when you head up to your crown nights; patron tequila rates in at around 9.2. tonight i’m hovering at 10.0 – bushmill’s sixteen year old irish whiskey. irish because i’m doing the saint patrick’s day thing early. and there’s something special about a bottle of whiskey that’s old enough to drive your car home from the liquor store for you. don’t try this, though…it can’t reach the pedals. learn from my mistake. damn free store samples (those little bottle sets ARE free samples, right? oops…)

three, i already explained; due to the whole valley trip from hell, i now can’t use it…

and four? nothing new; she’s always horny, always wants me (and several others…remember, she has a porn career to practice for), and nothing will happen for three simple reasons, one; she’s in VEGAS, two, she has a boyfriend (when he remembers he has a girlfriend), and three? that’s a long story…

so, to quote anthony michael hall from weird science, before his night of drunkeness, “see you guys in the emergency room”