dude, you’re gonna eat WHAT?!?!?

so, hit a chinese buffet with kramer tonight. i grubbed on the usual….

sesame chicken (my ALL time fave), pepper steak, etc…and kramer ate CRAW-FISH. would you put something called a “mud-bug” in your mouth? me either. but he did. LOTS of them. apparently they’re a delicacy in louisiana. of course, so is a second cousin TWICE removed, but never mind that now. (it should be noted, i’ve never set foot in LA, and while i’m sure i will eventually, my boss told me never to go….we used to ticket the miss teen usa pagent, and all the guys from the office always wanted bob to drag them along due to the “hot chick” factor. i HATE people that don’t read between the lines…between the line “miss” and “usa” is the line “TEEN”…which i’m pretty sure is even illegal in louisiana…although now that i think about that backward-ass berg, maybe it’s not…but i digress) anyway, i sat here looking at the crustacean carnage on the plate he so eloquently put dead center of our table. i love me some sesame chicken, and while it DOES look like chicken meat, it doesn’t look like little chickens. crawdads LOOK like fucking crawdads…and the jargon gets worse.

“bite the tail, suck the head”

that ACTUALLY came out of his mouth. i said, “dude…that’s how i got my last girlfriend”

okay, so maybe that’s not TOTALLY accurate…but there was some biting, some sucking, and some tail..and i woke up the next morning and no longer felt single. but i was DAMN happy, and that’s what matters, right? what was i talking about? oh yeah..that’s right….

so i told the officer, “man….why are you hassling me? that little kid’s peeing on the fountain too, and he’s bare-ass naked.” then the officer pointed out to me that the “little kid” i was referring to was made of cement, and actually PART of the fountain. tequila shooters can be some evil shit.