weekend memories

so, it’s 8:00 am sunday morning, the morning AFTER the mardi gras experience described in kramer’s web journal (i didn’t get to sleep ’till about 4:30 or so), and the phone rings. i look at caller i.d., blurry-eyed, and see a dallas phone number. figuring it’s my boss (at the time en route back to austin from OKC), or a buddy in dallas wanting to see how much i can cuss in the early am when he wakes me up, i answer it…

but it’s no friend. it’s no boss. it’s capital fucking one.

“sir, we show that you have an outstanding balance of $42, which we need to settle up immediately”

“WHAT?!?!? i paid you off. i sent you a $700 check back in october…and it’s eight-o-fucking-clock in the morning on a SUNDAY!!!” i said, not so calmly.

“yes,” mister money-grubbing-credit-whoring-jerk-off added, “but your payment got in two days after your bill cycle, and you’ve accrued late charges amounting to $42”

“well, let me think about this…” i teased…

“we can take a check by phone and have this all wrapped up…” he quickly tossed in.

like i care.

“here’s the problem, ” i said, “it’s 8:00 am. if i get in my car RIGHT NOW and drive from lockhart to dallas, i’ll get there by about 11:15. then i kick the shit out of you for about 45 minutes. then i get BACK in my car, and drive to the ice bats stadium to work the hockey game, putting me at the stadium at 2:30. and i have to be there at 1:30, so i’m gonna pass for now and go back to sleep. call me in two weeks when there’s no game, and we’ll go with MY plan. for now, take the check, AND your phone, and shove it up your corporate-cock-sucking ass” and i hung up. too harsh? i didn’t think so either…:)