affliction depiction…

…what’s your restriction?

apparently to make us all look like douche bags. at least in the eyes of some.

being a fan of the MMA shit (thanks, shane) i got into some of the clothing brands associated with the sport, affliction being one of them. but a quick (drunken) trip to their website one night yielded a two-word response to the land of the $50+ t-shirt.

not “oh cool” but rather “fuck that”.

then i worked next to a guy that almost EXCLUSIVELY wore affliction t-shirts, and he talked about how well made they were, cool designs (for the most part) and really breathed well ’cause they were light and thin. being a bigger, warm-natured guy thin and breathing clothes are bad-ass since i live in a state that’s forgotten that ninety-something degree days are acceptable – they don’t have to ALL be triple digits (seriously, what the fuck? if there were water in the lakes i’d be begging transamdan for a boat weekend soon). but cool designs and breathability aside, the $50+ price tag made me scream “fuck all that”.

but then they started some discount stores, like t.j. maxx and shit for $25 a piece. still a bit pricey, but not “holy shit” pricey. so now i own a few and love ’em – mainly ’cause of the light material. didn’t know they came with a stigma, too.

just this weekend i was hanging at the tattoo joint in austin where harold works and this gorgeous girl came in to get some work done. in the course of chatting with her i found out she was a waitress at “twin peaks”, which i guess is supposed to be the rocky mountain hooters (her girlfriend worked at the latter, non-mountainous version. well, i guess in some cases it IS mountainous, but not rocky mountained themed). anywho, she was talking about the customers in her restaurant as young, annoying, gelled spiky hair douche bags “wearing their ballcaps, girly-ass-looking jeans, and THOSE FUCKING AFFLICTION T-SHIRTS”.

although i’m only one for three on that i kinda took offense. in fact, i pointed out to her that i was, at the time, actually WEARING an affliction t-shirt. she said what all my female friends say as the “save line” after they say something about how all men suck….

“well, not YOU…the OTHERS, i mean…”

yeah, nice try.

same night the piercer at the ink joint commented on a show he’d gone to recently, and all the annoying “tool academy candidates” (vh1 reality show) with all their spiked this, and true religion that (jeans reference for my male readers – female readers knew) and “those fucking affliction t-shirts”.

i just ran my finger across my chest under the word “affliction” that ran just below my neckline. that’s when i came up with a formula…


i make the distinction on the shirt ’cause both me and shane have a few. the flap pocket (rock n’ religion for all mankind variety) typically denote gay or douche, but one of the artists that works with harold wears ’em, complete with the spiky hair (in a fauxhawk, no less) and is actually a super cool dude, so i can’t even say two for three would win here. but apparently you combine all three and you cross into the insta-tool realm. so, check your mirror and closets, and if your douche ass somehow is cool enough to be this big a dick yet still read me, adjust the wardrobe accordingly.

and if you’re planning some back-to-school shopping, you know what to avoid.

AND if you know somebody that went three for three on this (not as cool as the REAL “three for three”, but that’s more a girl thing, so never mind that now) it might just be intervention time…

(and transamdan, since you tend to be somewhat trendy and cool, if this hit you three for three, in your defense, i haven’t seen you in years and all rules DO have their occasional exception)

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Shane Aug 30, 2009 @ 0:48

    I like Affliction gear and now that I can afford it, I’m gonna wear it. Unless your a hottie with…mountains (Sean’s phrasing, not mine), best not call me a douche bag unless you want your porch busted up and a beer bottle smashed against your house.

    Just sayin.

  • sean Aug 30, 2009 @ 2:58

    what the fuck? “mountains” is MY fucking phrasing? when the fuck did i use that, exactly?

  • transamdan Sep 2, 2009 @ 19:04

    i’m so confused……… it has been a few years but i don’t think the word “douche” comes up when someone is describing me, but i don’t know. I’ve always tried to dress nice and not always in “designer” or “trendy” clothes. i dress myself in what i think i look good in and so far it’s seemed to work. the bottom line is, the day that i give a shit what some waitress or cheese-dick ass face thinks i look like, is the……wait..ha, that wont ever happen. I like how i look and think people should stop trying so hard. my dad used to tell me when growing up, ” if you look good and you smell good, someone’s goona like you!”
    so far this works for me, so i’m sticking to it!
    as for the boat, it has since been sold and traded in for a corvette. however, while having said boat, i have managed to meet a google of people who we can, when your ready, tag along with at *any time!

    * – any time meaning that with you and i going (2 males) i must have in tow at least but not limited to 4 females! usually never a problem though!

  • sean Sep 3, 2009 @ 10:13

    danny boy, one of these days me, you, and shane will have to throw on affliction shirts (just to fit the stereotype appearance) and go have a beer at this joint. i figure homegirl owes us a round, anyway…

  • transamdan Sep 3, 2009 @ 18:23

    DONE!!!! I don’t own an affliction gear but will gladly purchase some to hang!!!! Let me know when and where and since the employment thing isn’t exactly “working” out for ya, i’ll buy you guys a few rounds!!!! oh, and we need to talk cause i need to get harold to do somemore work on me!

  • Leia Sep 4, 2009 @ 2:47

    The day after reading this bit I saw a guy walking through Miami airport with a t-shirt that had Affliction written on the front in huge letters. He was hot! 😉 But he did have the flap pocket jeans and spikey hair… AND he was wearing dorky Bono shades. So despite his hotness, my first thought was… Douche. 🙂

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