where all the white (or brown) women at?

there is a phenomenon going on at my office…

…and offices all around the country.

i’ve tried to understand it. lord knows i’ve tried – hard. but as much as i try i can’t get it even though all my buddies at the office are into it. radio djs are into it. average joes are into it. i’m not into it…

…of course i’m talking about fantasy football.

sue me, but all my fantasies involve winning the lotto, naked women, or a combination thereof. my fantasies do not involve sweaty guys, gatorade, or people with the last name of “manning”. also, no football helmets…

…okay, one helmet – but she’s also in a cheerleader uniform, and the helmet was needed for safety reasons. i’ll spare you the details.

but i have friends who are in more than one fantasy football league. there are draft meetings. leader boards. message sites. they watch sports in a different way than you or i – it’s not about who wins, but who does what in “their team” – and if they DO care who wins, they could give two shits unless they cover the spread, ’cause most of my co-workers not only gamble on their “fantasy boys” (fuck, does that sound gay!) but also gamble on the games themselves. seems like something would cancel out something else, doesn’t it?

all of a sudden my whole “whiskey and cigar” thing seems pretty tame by comparison, huh?