an open letter to the good people at gold’s gym

okay, i get it. variety is the spice of life, or so i’m told. that’s why we have more than one gold’s gym in austin. it’s not just to spread out locations, but they each have their own distinct personality. no biggie. totally down with that. and i guess the music needs to fit the “personality” of the room. fine and dandy.

but…

i think last night we went a bit far. when i worked out at the downtown location (i.e. the gold’s gay bar with weights) and it was all low-grade techno and disco, it made sense. likewise, at william cannon and mopac, when it was all rock and “alternative”-act-of-the-day and very much the transferred college greek crowd music (as was the crowd) i was down with that. then came the ben white location, where we just get to sit and listen to mega 93.3 because it used to be a fitness connection and therefore doesn’t have your digital satellite fed music selections and fm is all we got. with the exception of the mega-long mega-commercial breaks on mega 93.3, it’s all good in the hood there, too.

but what the FUCK were you thinking playing the 99% ballads mix of digital slop at the william cannon / i35 location last night? where’s the “feel the burn” vibe there? don’t get me wrong…shakira’s “underneath your clothes” has gotten my heart pumping on other occasions, but the gym ain’t where it happened. in the gym, unless shakira is there in front of me saying, “you can get underneath THESE clothes and see the rhythm these hips can REALLY rock if you nail that last rep on bench press…” it ain’t there for me. if THAT happens? now THAT’S inspiration. likewise with the slow-ass britney / christina stuff that followed. if they oil wrestle in front of us, okay. or if christina and i play “show me your piercings and i’ll show you mine?” even better. but just the ballads? what the fuck?

and what’s gonna be next?

tonight i’m supposed to go to a spin class. i figure, i need more aerobic activity in my life, and with my favorite aerobic activity not happening these days, an aerobic substitute is needed (i think that’s the most i’ve ever used the word “aerobic” in one sitting). so i decided to try spinning. it looks fun. but since i AM riding a bike, are you people gonna make me pretend it’s a horse and pump country music in there? all i’m saying is, if it doesn’t “have a beat you can dance to”, in old american bandstand terms, or a guitar line you can picture kids stage diving to (although these days it seems they’ll do that to ANYTHING…i even saw it at crystal method this spring) then it doesn’t really need to be going on in the gym. get our heart pumping, for crying out loud. if i wanted to hear slow music, i’d go watch some sappy movie.

Replies: 1 Comment

oh, are you in for a surprise. i go to the gym at lincoln village. the spinning classes are held in a room adjacent to the women’s locker room. from what i can tell, you have your ‘get your body moving/uphill’ tracks but you also have the ‘cool-down/flat road’ serenity like tracks. And yes, I heard some country…

topenga said @ 12/18/2002 11:13 AM

2020 update – i have legit left the gym because my earbuds were dead and i would have to listen to their music. and i don’t mean ages ago, i mean like since they opened after they were ‘rona closed this spring.