a house divided

no, this isn’t a political bit…

…and no, i’m not having problems at home.

but a good friend is, and it’s about the same thing that happens when the white house goes blue.

they’re coming for our guns!

i almost bought one of these once…

partially because i didn’t realize i was getting charged almost retail when i found the damn thing used (which is why i backed out of the sale) and partially because it was rad (which is why seeing it again i kind wish i had gotten it). but do i need a fourth pistol? no. and we’ll get into why in a bit.

the price was close to retail because the gun was “used”, in the sense that it had been purchased new by somebody and then resold. but it wasn’t really used…the guy had bought FIVE pistols at once with the plan of selling them. now, one of the seven hundred and fifty questions on a federal firearms application is whether or you will be the end user of this gun, and everybody always (to my knowledge) ticks “YES” to save hassle.

but this is texas – people give guns as gifts here. true story.

and for some reason when a democrat wins the white house, every redneck thinks the same bullshit…

they’re coming for our guns!

now listen – i don’t care if you’re a senator, a congressman, or the president…you simply don’t have a dick that swings bigger in the beltway than the N.R.(motherfucking) A. period. i have said, and will always say, we have the best government money can buy, and there is no greater example of that than this. but i digress…

…so this idiot bought up five pistols figuring that when the democratic overlords brought the anti-gun hammer down he could sell them for three to five times what he paid for ’em if not more. but, of course, that didn’t happen because (see previous paragraph).

but i knew the same would happen when biden won (news flash to my conservative friends – that DID legitimately happen) and a conservative friend decided it was time to go arm up, because (frighteningly) in her state as of 2019 you don’t need a permit OF ANY FUCKING KIND to carry a gun be it concealed or openly. and because it’s hard to hide a five hundred dollar purchase from your spouse, she told him what and why and he wasn’t too thrilled about it, which takes us back to the “do i need a fourth pistol?” part of this bit earlier. every texan knows there’s two answers to the question “how many guns do you own?”

1. the real number i own

2. the number my spouse THINKS i own

and nary the twain shall meet. usually around these parts a “house divided” comes with an image along these lines:

(that’s actually the plate on the front of the truck that almost hit me in the pass through valet spot at the sofitel hotel in miami)

and of course, the last few years it also might have been divided along political party lines. but we’ll see how this one plays out…the gun thing tends to be just as passionate as the other two aforementioned divisions. i take the jim jeffries attitude towards them – i own guns because i like them. they’re cool. they’re fun to shoot. but i would never say i NEED a gun. i honestly can’t think of a situation in my life, at almost half a century, where i NEEDED one. have i used one to get a point across in one way or another? that’s a different story.

but “NEED”? that’s why they didn’t make maslow’s list – and if you think it shoulda, take a closer look at your life and figure out where shit went wrong.