break up? break down? no…break stuff!!!

as the days get shorter, they also somehow get longer. i dunno; i guess living out here all by my myself and coming home to an empty (at least, human companion free) home kinda gets lonesome this time of year…but with days like this, you have to find happiness somewhere. and like many a man before me, i have found it in one of the more manly ways…

breaking shit.

yes, while i am thirty-one, slightly over average intelligence (arguably) and college educated, i still get the giddy, boyish tingles when i hear something shatter into something irreparable…as long as it’s not an element of my life or something. not people. not relationships. THAT would suck. i’m talking about material shit.

multiply that by one hundred if it’s stuff that ISN’T mine…

…and by a thousand if it gets to travel distance to impact.

in the words of mike t, “destruction is fun”.

amen, my brotha.

they’re doing some major construction in my building, so they’ve set up this cool, wooden shoot from the second floor to a dumpster slightly down a hill…so, you get some speed going before your “trash” hits something good and solid. so, when you’re doing monitors, or the always explosive keyboards, it’s really, really, REALLY cool. something about breaking shit that isn’t yours makes up for the other bad shit in your day…you get to work out your aggression, you get to hear that magical breaky noise, it’s just all good all around.

which reminds me of the ONE time kramer really let me down.

okay, so there were several…bad predictions about my life that were just horrific. but in the boy’s defense, he has written down the wrong YEAR on my chart config, and since we fixed that the son of a bitch is more accurate than an east coast sniper rifle (ouch). but there was another, non-astrological let down…

being my size guarantees that when your friends move, you will be roped into helping more times than a guy who both drives a truck AND works at a cardboard box factory. for some reason, this only happens with my male friends…female friends, girlfriends, my sister…NEVER a moving request really. guess i know who really loves me, huh? but i digress…

so, when kramer moved into an apartment complex one time (not all of his residences have been of the double-wide variety…he DID once take a stab at a home without axles, but let’s keep that amongst ourselves) we arrived to find that something had been left behind…a very tacky, very brown, vinyl recliner. and he wanted it GONE…which is odd for a chair that could be wiped clean easily if need be, which with kramer’s lifestyle…well…never mind that now. let’s just say it’s a handy feature.

my thought? drop the fucker over the rail of the balcony then pick up the smaller remains and tote them to the dumpster. but he wouldn’t LET me. he didn’t wanna wake his new neighbors. he didn’t wanna look THAT white trash (keep in mind, he WAS moving into a more urban dwelling to try and be, in a phrase, NOT so much of himself…an experiment which obviously failed). my argument was, “how many times do you have the chance to throw a big-ass, ugly-ass chair onto a parking lot from a second floor railing?” but he wouldn’t let me. and the opportunity has never been there since. bastard.

but today kinda made up for it…i don’t know how many of my female readers understood this one, but the guys KNOW what i’m saying. breaking shit is just fun…and when it’s ORDERED by your boss that you do it, it’s even better. because then it’s constructive destruction…and that means you did right by kinda doing wrong. you’re satisfying your bad boy and good boy sides…the yin, the yang, the…okay…i have taken this WAY farther than it needed to go. it’s always a bad sign when i babble to the point of annoying myself, isn’t it?

Replies: 4 comments

yeah, i read on friday that christina aguilera smashes stuff to relieve tension and stress…kinda like she’d probably feel when she sees how badly i spelled her last name…but she hasn’t told us where her other two piercings are, so what do i owe her? come on, christina…show me yours and i’ll show you mine…

Posted by sean (i write this stuff) @ 11/11/2002 07:11 PM CST

some chicks like breakin’ stuff too. nothing like a satisfying *crunch* or *crash* or even better, a *shatter*.

Posted by topenga @ 11/11/2002 06:09 PM CST

i’m right there with ya brother.breaking shit rocks!

Posted by shane @ 11/11/2002 05:14 PM CST

Double-wide life rocks! I’m with Kramer!

Posted by Porn Star @ 11/10/2002 12:11 AM CST

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