vultures

so, where was i? oh yeah…the apd thang. my commute to work, from the ass-end of my driveway to the parking garage of our building is forty-three (43) miles. it takes about an hour. what’s funny is that i typically cover the first thirty miles of the damn thing in the first thirty minutes. how? because i “liberally interpret” the speed limit. i don’t look at it as a law; but more of a suggestion. i mean, if you’re a bad driver, you’re a bad driver…and likewise if you’re GOOD, you’re good.

well now, apd (austin police department, for those not from around here) have decided to pick on us commuter types. this one ONLY targets those of us who trek some miles to come to work here. the new austin “border patrol” sits on one of the southern most bridges on i35 (like 1327, or onion creek) and guns you from up top; then radios down to a pack of two-wheeled demons on the side of the road and one of THEM comes and pulls you over. when i took the time to ask one of the apd guys why this was their new spot, he said because they need people to slow down on their way in, ’cause EVERYBODY that heads in that way is speeding…

no we’re not, bud…we’re AVERAGING. there’s a difference.

see, remember i told you that i cover the first thirty miles of a forty-three mile commute in thirty minutes…but i allow an HOUR to get to the office. that’s not including pulling over for brisket breakfast tacos. that’s not if i have to stop for gas. and i’m not one of those gung-ho morning types who shows up at 8:42 and puts 9:00 on my time sheet. that’s to get there BY 9:00.

do the math.

that means that on ben white blvd. (aka hwy 71, aka 290 west, aka capital of texas hwy, aka 360…welcome to austin!!!) where the speed limit is 65 mph (just like it is on almost every stretch of road the first thirty miles of my commute) it takes me thirty minutes to go TWELVE miles. hell, it takes almost ten of that thirty just to make it from the EXIT RAMP of i35 to where my tires are actually ON ben white…

ain’t THAT some shit?

part of the problem lies in the fact that the people building the i35/ben white fly over are taking longer than the egyptians took to build the pyramids. and going off the looks of it, they didn’t learn jack freakin’ squat from the 183 flyover, where they made it just ONE lane, creating big-time backup constantly. dallas gets two or three lanes…why can’t we? as long as they’ve taken, they could have built us all individual DIRECT roads from our homes to our offices by now…

so, officers, let us have our 90 mph part of our commute…it makes up for the “follow the dumb ass with the eight billion ‘jesus loves you’ stickers at 28 mph in the fast lane of a 65 mph road for thirty minutes” part balance….and isn’t balance what life’s all about?