the cops just left my house. okay, so more accurately A cop just left my house. okay, so even MORE accurately, my buddy lance, who just happens to be one of austin’s finest (EAST austin, no less…the “hood”) just left my house. he wanted to borrow my laser thermometer (which i liberated* from a building maintenance guy at my office) i said no prob, since he’s a good friend, the thing cost me NO money, and he takes care of my dogs when i’m out of town.
my dogs are my children, and much like their dad, their appearance tends to deceivingly scare people. don’t get me wrong, if you come in my house when i’m NOT here, and they don’t know you, calum (rott/st bernard, 112 lbs) and buffy (pit bull/germ shepard, 86 lbs) will, i’m fairly sure, FUCK you up. but if they know you and know i’m cool with you, you’ll be okay. and for that matter, if i’m HERE with you, you have nothing to be afraid of. but lance is the only one who’ll watch them when i’m gone.
it’s not that i don’t have options, but he seems to be the only one who’s a combo of he likes them, and they like him. his wife, heather, is not so lucky. when calum first met her, she was my one friend who would come over here to hang out with my ex and her friends. problem was, that made calum think she was one of HER friends…and after seeing the messy exit that girl made from my life, he wanted no trace of her around, and that included heather. so she can’t watch them.
then there’s jim. 6’4″. 275 lbs. been like a brother for over 15 years. but as part of a married couple, he only regularly associates with their “and” friends now. larry AND jen. nick AND becca. there is no sean AND….(much to my dismay, and i AM working on it slowly but surely, but these things DO take some time sometimes) as a result, he’s not here much, so calum doesn’t know him; plus as big as he is, calum even scares the hell out of HIM, and my boy can smell fear…and if he smells it, he’ll fuck with you just for his own amusement. hey, the boy has no thumbs…he can’t play on the web, or work any of my remotes….he’s gotta have fun somehow…and scared white boys make damn good amusement…unless they’re in high schools and wear a lot of black…but never mind that now.
most of my other friends live too far (harold, shane, phillipe) or creep buffy out (kramer – don’t ask…LONG story), so who does that leave? lance. plus, with the odd hours police officers have to keep, he comes over at all hours and they like that, since i tend to keep odd hours myself. and i have to utilize him again next week, when i head to tulsa for two days next week. all i can hear in my head is that old joke: why doesn’t texas float off into the ocean? ’cause oklahoma SUCKS!!!
*liberated means stole.