that’s more like it (a flashback)

so, there’s some comedian, or movie, or whatever that josh tends to quote about not being “that guy”. as in the guy who goes to the show and is ALREADY wearing the shirt of the band that he’s going to see. don’t be “that guy”, he says. well, apparently your average koRn fan hasn’t heard that bit, because i swear about 5,000 of the 9,000 and some change at the show i worked last night were wearing koRn shirts…

embarrassingly, i almost was, too. when i packed the bag in anticipation of the halloween debauchery that was scheduled, i packed a hooded sweatshirt so that i could stay snuggly warm when i worked the show the day after halloween. i just didn’t realize i packed my koRn sweatshirt. didn’t know until plans got flushed and i had to go meet kramer for dinner and realized the silky knit shirt i was wearing might be cutting it fashion-wise, but that wind could cut through it like a switchblade through a mafia rat’s throat…so i retrieved the sweatshirt from my suitcase only to realize that i almost committed one of josh’s cardinal sins.

of course, my main cardinal sin is standing me up, which josh did last saturday, on what i call “professional drinker’s night”, the night where those of us who know what we’re doing go get DAMN loaded because there’s the extra hour courtesy of daylight saving’s time. josh had said he was gonna call me so we could go drink. he never called. so, fuck him and his cardinal sins…he had to go and do mine.

there…now that’s out of my system. all is forgiven.

now, in my opinion the real bastards at a show are the ones who go by a shirt and then put it on OVER what they’re wearing, only to sweat like a whore in church as a result of this fan-based layering. it’s one thing if it’s a cute girl and she buys one of those “look how kind puberty was to me” cut shirts and uses it to replace what she wore in. that’s ALL good. unless what she wore in was skimpier…then she should wait. but i digress…(not sounding lonely here, am i?)

i bought a shirt at this show that combined two good past times…koRn and strippers. the girl’s naked, with a furry (to the touch) koRn logo covering up the “holiest of holies”. this prompted me getting my shirt fondled at the cigar shop when i went to show them the copper tested colibri (they said i should send pics of the lighter and copper to the company and try and get her in an ad) and buy a new lighter. this brought about the quote for the day, courtesy of the owner…

“now why would somebody wanna go and ruin pussy like that by sticking their old, rusty dick in it? that’s EATIN’ pussy right there. you know what i’m saying? would you wanna ruin something like that with your rusty dick?”

hearing this as he stroked the shirt you’re wearing is a bit disconcerting…but i got him to shut up quick by responding…

“but my dick’s NOT rusty…all the metal down there is surgical-grade stainless. top of the line…it doesn’t rust no matter how wet it gets…and it tends to get pretty wet…”

(okay…not so much lately, save for the shower…but never mind that now)

it shut EVERYBODY in the room up…mission accomplished.

this was two slightly off pussy comments in a twelve hour period…a bit above quota for my existence, thank you very much. the other came last night at the close of a fifteen hour day. a crew of only four of us had just loaded ALL the box office stuff AND the will call tent up to our third floor office when somebody asked if i still had my key card for the building with me. i responded with (jokingly)…

“yeah…it’s in my back pocket. wanna go in after it, you little bitch?”

(this was to a guy…who’s both a friend and coworker. but his response i couldn’t have called in a million years…

“the only jeans i reach in are worn by someone with big ol’ titties and a fat pussy…”

a “fat pussy”? this stopped me and steve in our tracks. “so you like the bigger girls?” we responded…”no,” he said, “not fat girls…just fat pussy”.

now, maybe he meant “PHAT pussy”, but even so…with the chris tucker acronym of “Pretty, Hot, And Tempting” i can see a LOT of room for misinterpretation if you try and pay your lady THAT compliment. i don’t know if you could remove her foot from your ass long enough to explain. do any of my female readers see this as a positive statement? you’ll notice, for his sake, i’m not mentioning the name here…

and i wonder what saturday night or sunday will bring me in the way of strange pussy quotes…guess it depends on if i bother to leave the house, huh? kinda have to…gotta go grocery shopping with harold later…

(i left josh’s comment in since it was referenced several times above)

Replies: 1 Comment

“don’t be that guy” is from a brilliant little film called “p.c.u.”. yeah.

josh said @ 11/03/2002 06:47 PM GMT