sucking in the seventies

if this were in the pre-google age…

…i’d do bets for who knows what band i ripped off the title of this bit – but since i know you’ll find it on google in a heartbeat, we won’t do that.

(and for all reading this who found the whore on google, welcome!)

with no job and direct tv and a pretty comfy sectional i find myself spending a lot of time in front of the tv (and more often, the dvr) lately, and nothing sucks me in quite like music program marathons – i have lost entire DAYS due to this shit.

100 greatest hip-hop songs of all time – there went four hours
100 greatest one-hit wonders of the 80’s – another four hours

and so on, and so on…

the one i saw the other day drew me in for reasons other than the music…it was the vh1/billboard magazine hot 100 of the 1970’s or something like that. i was in the third grade when the year rolled to 1980, and sadly i remember this because she told us we could add “20” to our current age and know how old we’d be in the year 2000 and i remember thinking, “wow, i’ll be twenty-eight…i’ll be married, have a kid, and be out of lockhart by then…”

zero for three on that one, lil’ sean. great, now it’s 7:33am on a tuesday (when this is being written) and i need a drink. lovely. let’s get back to what i was getting at here…

while watching the show i noticed how amazing the amount of white guys with permed hair, be it a gerald curl (my own term for the whiteman’s geri curl) or the jewfro (or some gentile version thereof) and then started looking at the mustache line-up and the sideburns and the clothes and the chains and the chest hair and came to the conclusion that i am part of a miracle generation.

and so are many of you.

because despite the barrage of liquor and billy beer and cocaine and ‘ludes and what-not there was still the polyester and the hair (head, chest, face, and “au naturale” pubes) and the bad music and quite frankly the fact that anybody would fuck ANY of these people the way they looked amazes me. as a result i see those of us who were born (and conceived) during the 1970’s as already beating a shit ton of odds just for the swimmers to get to take their mark, let alone actually reach the finish line ’cause in several hours of vH1 classic 1970’s programming i didn’t see anybody i would fuck after a six pack and a dare…

hairy little polyester draped motherfuckers…

so if we can overcome THOSE odds to even be here, we should be able to beat ANYTHING – so why can’t i find a job in the obamaconomy?