gold members, red dogs, and purple ritas (my saturday, at a glance)

07/28/2002: “”

“redheads are evil and not to be trusted…” so sayeth my buddy shane. he was engaged to one, and feels he has the right to make that broad generalization (or generalization about broads). it was those words echoing in my head (no offense, sin D) that made me NOT start writing this piece saturday afternoon. allow me to explain.

i went and got copper from the vet at about 11:15 saturday morning. i had spent the bulk of the morning running around trying to “pit-proof” the utility room. you KNOW you’re having a productive morning when you’ve had a power tool in your hand and it’s not even 9:00 am (not THOSE types of power tools…keep in mind i woke up alone). so, by 11:00 we were ready to go, and off to the vet to get her i went.

$125 later we walked out. ouch. a BIT more than i expected it to be, but these things happen. now it was time to try some “tribal integration”. i decided to let her jump right in with both (okay, all four) feet and meet both calum AND buffi at the same time. oops. both of them can best be described as “aggressively affectionate”. by that, i mean they’re gonna love on you whether you want them to or not. not “hump your leg” kinda love on you, but pounce, lick, etc…basically they know NOTHING of personal space.

copper, however, is ALL ABOUT personal space. and after a while, she’d had enough. i went to grab lunch so we could have some “warm up” time…see, i was going out to the movies and drinks with josh that night and didn’t want the first time the three of them were left alone together to be a SIX HOUR tour (a six hour tour) so i went to grab a brisket sandwich and leave them alone for about a half an hour. for the hour prior, they had all been in the utility room, and with the exception of occasional snarling, all seem to be getting along pretty well, so i rolled to black’s.

when i got back, copper greeted me at the door. calum and buffi were still behind the gate. i realized i had only locked the TOP lock on the gate, and therefore she could have easily pulled out the bottom of the gate and squeezed out. i put her back in, locked BOTH locks, looked down at her and said, “nice try”. she looked up at me as if to say, “watch this” and BOING. sprung right over the gate.

copper abdul jabbar.

i was floored. NOW what do i do? ich bin ein berliner (or at least think like one) and built a taller gate, and put her back in. BOING. over that one. so, it went up so high that calum couldn’t even SEE over it when he stood on his hind legs (and neither could buff, which did NOT go over well). BOING. over THAT one, too. so, i gave up on the whole gate idea and let her wander the house the rest of the day which did NOT go over well with the c.p.i.r. (current puppies in residence).

but here’s MY stance on it: calum isn’t allowed to wander because he’s huge, goes nuts, pulls stuff apart and acts hyper non-stop. buffi, likewise, WAS allowed to wander the house freely until she tore a fifteen inch diameter hole in the back of my couch. THAT’S why the gate went up in the first place. copper is NOT hyper, quite calm, and despite her violent appearance, quite tame. but i had visions of coming home to a destroyed house, so i didn’t wanna start writing this article about how she had über manners and then come home to the house looking WORSE than it was. (you KNEW i’d get back to that point from the intro at SOME point, right?)

she wanders the house calmly, doesn’t mess stuff up, and acts perfectly normal. that’s why i didn’t tie her up outside or something when i left last night…why should i punish her for basically being a GOOD dog? her only “crime” thus far is getting sick of buffi leaning on her and calum licking on her so she split from their room. buffi is being a TOTAL whiner because she understandably sees this as uncool and unfair. but you know what? maybe they’ll see how copper acts, learn from her example, and the gate can come down for good. or maybe copper will fuck up, and i’ll have to go with plan “b”…ditch the gate, and put in a screen door that’s 12 ga hog wire so no dogs can get out or over, but i can still reach through and pet, and they can still reach through and lick.

okay, enough of the dog talk.

for ONCE i walked out of a movie this summer and wasn’t going, “awww….that’s it?” with the exception of spiderman and undercover brother, that’s all the summer movie experience has been for me. but the new austin power’s flick is a WHOLE different story. the cameos. the gags. the making fun of their past movies. the obligatory music video my doug e. evil (watch it and it’ll make sense). EASILY the best flick of the summer…hands down. and mike t, i am now in SUCH agreement with you about the undeniable hotness of bionce knowles (*speaks with “ladies man” type lisp* “yeah…thath goooood…”)

then it was off to baby a’s for purple ritas. i SO had to get a buzz on before i came home so i could face what i feared would be waiting for me, and you know how much destruction i found? two paper bags…that’s right. two. the dairy queen bag that was on the top of the trash can had been pulled out and torn open, and all my leftover fries were gone (she’s an emaciated pit, folks…i don’t think she knows about the “avoid starch ‘zone’ diet”) and the bag i’d foolishly let fall off the coffee table (so i didn’t see it) which still had some brisket bits from the sandwich i was eating right before i left. that’s it. so for now, all’s well. copper spent the night asleep at the foot of my bed, where she’s sleeping again right now. the last time i tried to let one of the other two do this while i typed a bit for y’all, i ended up with THEM trying to type. maybe copper will prove to be the “ms. manners” of the puppy tribe and they’ll all learn how to act…or maybe this is just until she gets comfortable and i’ll come home to a thrashed house on monday. only time will tell; but so far, so good. and buffi will just have to DEAL with it. after all, SHE’S not the master of this domain. i am. and don’t none of the them need to forget it…(is it just me, or did i just end with REALLY poor grammar?)