relox, don’t do it?

after ninety seconds of naked eye inspection and FIVE FULL MINUTES with a jeweler’s loop, my buddy mark looked up at me…

“so do you own this or are you thinking of owning this?”, he asked.

“i own it”, i replied.

“how much did you pay for it?”, he quickly inquired.

“under two hundred”, i fired back, and a smile crept across his face.

“well, sean, you purchased probably the best fake rolex i’ve ever seen!”.

i own a real tag heuer. i own a real breitling. and while those don’t cost play money (typically in the really low four figures) a rolex costs REAL money (typically in the high four to low five figures) or at least the ones i like do. and all of the above is quoted for pre-owned. ain’t even fucking with new product there. so the chances of me ever going after a legit rolex are pretty fucking slim – especially because the one thing i tend to be snobbish about is the size of the face (which makes no sense – my close up vision is fine) but the one i went after was all about the numbers:

it’s got a 44mm face and the middle of the legit model number is “666” – how could i not?

i kept seeing the ads on instagram for “sample sales” of louis vuitton and other luxury products so clicked the link, but then copied the url and went to their actual site. all over it states that their products are genuine, and not “fakes, replicas, or used” but it’s clear they’re actually two outta three, seeing and how the words are synonymous. i almost got a breitling i’ve always wanted, but seeing as how i HAVE a breitling (albeit smaller than the one i was going after) i figured even i could spot if it wasn’t legit. not having owned a rolex (i call this one a “relox” since i know it’s bullshit) i figured i could maybe dupe myself? the website listed it as going for $200, a tremendous savings over the “MSRP – $1,600”. but i knew better – a quick google shopping search turned up the cheapest price online for a new one as just over $10,000.00.

the box was a dead giveaway. while i’ve been surprised at the cheap quality of the boxes for tag and breitling and a few others (the leatherette versus real leather was the real surprise) the relox hinge broke after the second time i opened it. the print quality in the manual was that of second or third generation scanned documents. but most of the other paperwork looked fairly legit, and you don’t wear the manual. you wear the watch.

and that part seems to fool everybody!

(side note – i tried to copy the “we do not sell…” verbiage off the website i purchased from but it appears to no longer be up)