being a guy has it’s advantages AND it’s disadvantages…

…sure, we get paid more for doing the same job typically. and we don’t have to deal with the whole child birth thing. we also have that distinct ability to pee on ANYTHING, except the inside of the bowl, of course…that would be barbaric. but there are some downsides…

take the billion dollar marketing industry based on the fact that we tend to think with the wrong head, for example.

some are overt and obvious…hustler, penthouse, playboy; all at least have an article or two. and then there’s the topless bars, nudie bars, cabarets, and gentleman’s clubs (i say this like there’s really a difference between all of those places). again, overt and obvious. but then came the world wide web and the various ways to get to the guys that never made it out of their house. the ones who strippers won’t even touch, or the ones who don’t want sam down at the corner quick stop to know that they prefer big-boned asian girls who like it in the ass. the web was their salvation.

i saw a comedian (and i don’t remember a name so he must not have been THAT good) that said something to the effect of, “the web is great…you could have what you feel is the sickest, most twisted, most perverted fetish on the planet, and do a google search and pull up 1,200 sites!!!”. i saw this today when i looked at my archive site meter and saw someone had hit up an old entry by going through google with the search “blue wig pussy”. while i myself was shocked that this actually brought ME up (until i re-read my entry; something i rarely do) i wondered what the fuck would make someone search for that shit. looking for hot and horny geriatrics who had blue dye left once the wig was done? marge simpson porn? or that game where you try and put in three words or less and turn up the fewest google matches? who knows. who cares. for all those who want to find this page, just hit google and put in “donkey raping shit eater”.

the problem is a lot of us are addicted to email. and as a result, we check our email every chance we get, like right before we pass out. even while drunk. and web surfing while intoxicated is not regulated, so sometimes you forget where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or who you may (or may not) have talked to.

porn marketers know this. and they fuck with us as a result.

we’ve all (at least us guys) got the mail where it’s from someone we DON’T know, and has some generic subject like “earn money at home” or “new virus protection” and then you open it, and it’s a link with a blinking “hot nude teen sluts try anal for the first time!!!” above it. great. you always remember your first, don’t you ladies? best to share with the cyber pervs. but even these mails are only SLIGHTLY bad. i hate the OTHER ones. the ones that come from some address you’ve never seen, and go something like this (this is actually one cut and pasted to here with a bit of my own personal touches, of course…)

Hey, I received your message. I am flattered that you responded! (responded to what, exactly??? was i THAT drunk when i went online? what did i mail you?) I think the best way to start things off is to tell you a little about me! I am a very outgoing girl, (meaning, i do oral AND anal on the first “date”) that loves meeting new people and experiencing everything at least one time (see above comment). I am not a materialistic girl and I do not ask for much, (just four credit card numbers, expiration dates, social security number, birth date, drivers license number, blood type, height, weight, and fetish preferences…and that’s just to get to page two of my “personal home page”) I think that is one of my best qualities. (but oddly enough, it’s the way puberty (and dr. morganstern at the plastic surgery clinic) treated me that are my ‘lesser qualities’ i’ll show off to you). I do not want to come off, or sound like an easy girl (it’s okay to laugh out loud at that line alone) but I am looking to definitely become intimate with you once we get to spend some time together! (ladies – how many times have you caught yourself saying that in your first email to someone? that IS common, right?) So if you are still interested in what I have to offer (does she mean brains or lack of gag reflex? i’m going with option ‘b’), or if you want to have an experience you will never forget (what did i tell you?), then send me an email and we can go from there! Here are some of my pics I have attached, hope you like them? I would really like to get together, but like I said we need to spend some time together and I need to see what you look like (as if i really exist). Send me some of your picks (what…are we talking sports predictions or is that ‘k’ at the end a typo?) to my email on the fourth page (which is after i’ve gotten all the info i’ll need to rob your bank accounts blind AND fuck up your credit for the next twenty-seven years), and I will be sure to get them. I hope we can get together soon!



ps. REALLY looking forward to hearing from you!!! my room mate at the dorm said she might want to “play” with us (giggle) we’ve become a little more than friends this semester!

(way to spike the ball…but at least they know what we want to hear, right?)

…and i made up the link, so if you just tried to click on it or cut and paste it to your browser, please forget you know where my page is, but you have shown why this type of spam exists.

so, ladies, do y’all get this sort of shit sent your way? or is this one of the advantages to being male in the cyber world?

0 comments… add one

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.