if you say something enough you don’t make it come true…
…despite the efforts of our 45th president.
i started to type the title of this bit and thought, “wait – haven’t i titled a bit this before?”
and it turns out i have.
at least this time it was a black guy instead of hispanic folk…so i’m spreading the love around and shit. and this one was at work, so i was kinda getting paid. if he was right, i guess that would make a legitimate professional racist.
who knew i’d gone pro?
so this guy comes in the shop with a drink that looks like this in his hand:
when i tell him i can’t have that in the shop he says “okay” and proceeds to just set it on the counter. then he starts our conversation, somewhat slurringly, with “so, i’m FINALLY drunk enough to get her name tattooed on me…how much that cost?”
my reply – “that would be a conversation to have when you’re sober, buddy…it’s against the law to tattoo somebody you know is intoxicated”. a flat emotionless “okay” escaped his lips, he grabbed his drink, and “walked” to the door.
(if you’d seen his stumbles you’d understand why “walked” was in quotes)
the girl with him said, “i think he was hoping you’d say that” and i responded with, “yeah, with a lead in like that i figured…” but then he stopped at the door as she caught up to him.
“i don’t mean to upset you”, which most people say when they truly want to upset you, “but i was offended by what you said to me…i think if i was a clean-cut white man you would have done the tattoo”.
“dude, if ANYBODY starts a conversation with ‘i’m finally drunk enough…’ they’re not getting tattooed, regardless of color, sex, or what have you!”, i fired back.
“i’m just sayin'” he mumbled, to which i retorted, “say whatever you want, but you’re full of shit”.
even when you fucking KNOW you’re not racist, you still have to fight the urge to fire off “i’m born on juneteenth” or “i used to do radio for the NAACP” (both of which are true). so i’ve now got the leanings from black and latino folk – any chincs wanna get pissed at me?