countdown to kidless (good or bad?)

this will be brief, but in two parts…

…’cause i’m not sure how i feel about it, even on the short term.

oz is low maintenance. like, EXTREMELY low maintenance. that’s a good thing. with the exception of the lack of dietary exploration (although he’s slowly getting better) you wouldn’t know he wasn’t already a teenager or young adult. and i get a decent chunk of time with him thanks to my flexible work schedule. he lives in a world half reality and half imaginary thanks to various video games and cartoons and, to be honest, that’s how a kid should be in my opinion.

so tomorrow (tuesday) he flies out to hang with his dad for the summer. while he’s left since he moved in, it was always pretty short – a few days here and there, a week for spring break. it’s nice because it allows us “adult time”, and just in the naked way – happy hours happen more often, restaurants get explored, and yeah, there’s more of that first one, too. through it all, i’ve never really missed him…and realizing that makes me sound like a colossal dick, let me explain.

he ain’t mine, in the sense he’s not my biological kid. sure, he looks more mine than his dad’s in a lot of ways – but i don’t have that pure, biological, paternal instinct that you get when you sire a kid. likewise, unlike his mom, i haven’t had him around for over a decade to where he feels like a natural part of my life; in fact, quite the contrary. a year in the sleep schedule still throws me off, and i’m not used to things moving about in the house without me doing so – but that’s just as much the kiddo as the ufc; while he’s been part of her world for eleven years, i’ve been essentially on my own for nineteen years (save for two and a half years with alex, where she just felt like an extended house guest to me).

so will i miss him this time around? time will tell…

in the beginning probably not – i’ll get more done around the house (in theory – not like he really hinders me from doing so but it’s a good excuse) and not worrying about anything being kid friendly will be, to be honest, me just getting back to my roots (keep in mind i once made sure i had sixteen inch hibben blades within reach of a six year old, and tested this WITH a six year old, just to make sure people didn’t bring their kids here) so we’ll see where this takes us. he’s been gone this long before, but in the past he didn’t live with me and i didn’t see him as often, so it’ll be interesting to see how it goes. either way, i know budnik’s not going to adjust well…