get toe up from the throw up?

“i swear i subscribe for the articles”…

…but it’s actually true.

now, typically this is said of playboy or penthouse or something. in my case i’m saying it about maxim – and i’m also blessed with a woman that could give a shit less whether i’m subscribed to all of the above or not.

i’m not just a charming motherfucker…i’m a lucky motherfucker – what can i say?

in the latest maxim i read an article on gold mining in the yukon, and the quote from a local tavern’s “signature drink” was what stuck with me the most…

you can drink it fast, or you can drink it slow, but your lips have gotta touch the toe

sadly they mean it. even more sad? it’s a real, severed, pickled human toe.

no bullshit.

i saw the picture, and it was pretty obviously a real toe, or some straight up movie magic shit…then i googled away and found out it was SO not the latter.

and they’re looking for more. not something you’d expect on craigslist down here.

the bar is called “the downtown” and is located in the small gold mining community of dawson city, and apparently made national news recently when some dickhead decided to SWALLOW THE FUCKING TOE.

but they had a back up. fucking seriously? there’s an abundance of this shit? the things people will do for fame (donate your frostbitten toe and you’re “immortalized on their wall”, and presumably get awesome parking there and elsewhere). and the guy was charged $500 for the toe (which i guess he later had to at least partially pass, which couldn’t have felt very good) and that was in addition to what he paid for the drink plus the “toe fee”.

yep, you read that right – in addition to whatever your drink costs, if you want to have the toe floater in it and become a member of the “sourtoe cocktail club” you pony up an extra fee for the honor of that being in your drink. and to think down here a fly in your drink could get you your booze for free…or end your night prematurely…

…that got shane cut off once when the bartender saw him trying to strangle the little fucker yelling, “spit it out, asshole – you didn’t kick in for this round!”, but that’s getting us into some stories shane’s lawyers have asked me not to share here.