regrets, i’ve had a few…

so, with the juneteenth bbq only ten days away, i found myself reflecting back…

…so here’s six lil’ bbq flashbacks; most of the time the bbq’s are a lot of fun, but over the course of hosting an event for seventeen years, on occasion, shit can go awry:

really sharp, not so sharp

of course, no list of juneteenth bbq regrets would be complete without mentioning the “knife to shane’s neck” incident so we’ll just knock that out first. it all came from him making reference to doing something “with my sister” but he didn’t mean my ACTUAL sister, just a friend of mine who feels close enough to call herself “my sister”. since no names are mentioned here, i’ll let all curious know shane DID get some that night. for the record, i put the dull side, not the sharp side (i knew just the cold feel of the steel would make an impact, and honestly i was afraid he might flinch wrong) which was pretty impressive considering…

the eighth had two fifths…and then some!

here’s what i’ve been told (i would normally say “here’s what i KNOW” but honestly i don’t) – i showed up at kathi’s with a handle (1.75ML) bottle of crown. the next day i found it strapped into the passenger seat of my car like it was a passenger and it only had a couple inches left in it. okay, so that part i KNOW. the part i was told was that nobody drank anything from it BUT me which explains how i missed ME’s call when she was trying to finally head over and put in an appearance, and also kinda explains the shane/knife thing. the next day my bathroom flooded, but that was just coincidence. both of these were back in 2004 the one year i did it at JAB’s sister’s place.

lickably smooth up top?

has anybody had a successful fix up by a friend? i haven’t! one such debacle started at a wedding and ended at la tina’s place the one year i did the ‘teenth que there (2007) when i encouraged my buddy (in my defense, i had just gone through a break up two weeks before) to bring said girl along, who was in her thirties, drunk as hell, still a virgin (that part makes sense in a second) and while chatting with some dellian folk she walked up behind me and LICKED MY FUCKING HEAD from behind. like base of skull up. fucking creepy. also, kinda makes the “thirtysomething year old virgin” part jive out, don’t it?

smoke ’em ’cause YOU got ’em, not ’cause i do!

at the very first juneteenth que (1997) my buddy james brought me a box of la aurora robustos. good smokes – but i only ended up with HALF a box (13 of 25) because almost everybody dipped in like they were fucking party favors. i was finding cigars with two puffs of them in my bar-b-que pit the next day, and these were seven dollar cigars! last time anybody’s given me smokes for my birthday, and given what happened that’s okay! only other bad cigar memory was…

green gobbler still MIA fifteen years later

the first time i invested in a decent smoking accessory was a hunter green davidoff double guillotine cutter – $55. did it in ’96…and during the second juneteenth bbq (1998) it disappeared. what’s odd is nobody there smoked cigars except me, and before any “it’ll turn up” messages start rolling in i DO live in the same place and i DID tear apart all the furniture out of there before it went up to the curb specifically because i thought it might still “turn up” – and that was almost ten years later (2006). i dare say it’s gone…fuck it, i like my xicar i replaced it with (back in 2001 or so?) much better.

not the kinda birthday strokin’ i needed…

i don’t know if it actually WAS heat stroke, but it sure as fuck felt like the symptoms i found on web md…it was the summer i started unemployed and ended up…well…here (i’m sitting in the tattoo shop as i type this). we did it at harold’s (for the layout and such one of my favorite venues) but that first year all i bought (and all anybody got afterwards)