what were you inking?

when i was sixteen i wanted a tattoo reeeeeeeaaaaaallllllly badly…

…had a few planned out. had drawn some shit up, and had some stuff i figured i’d let the artist draw up. then i turned eighteen (although, it should be noted, that back when i was sixteen you could still legally get a tattoo with your parents’ consent in texas, but i knew better than to even ASK liz for that shit!) and went to a shop only to find out there was no way i could afford what i wanted and that was kinda where that all stopped.

for a few years, anyway.

when i was in my early thirties i was cleaning out a closet here at the house and found an old box that had the folder with all those teenage tattoo dreams in them. while one of them had actually been done (and i’m still happy with it), the rest of them were pretty fuckin’ shitty. like “thank christ these aren’t on me forever!” kinda shitty. and i don’t know anybody with a decent amount of ink that doesn’t have at least one regrettable one they wouldn’t mind getting lasered or covered or both. we’ll get to mine in a bit. but there are still some people out making the same mistakes some of us did back when, and even some that we knew to avoid. so, in keeping with the “tattoo sixer” theme i’ve had working lately i present:

six tattoo ideas i would avoid like the plague if i were you

YOLO – which, in case your blissfully uninformed (i didn’t mean that even slightly sarcastic although i know it sounded like i did), stands for “you only live once”. i’ve only seen it once or twice, never had it requested in any of our shops while i was there, but i’ve seen it online enough to know it’s becoming “a thing”. just do yourself a favor and don’t let it become “YOUR thing”. it’s just stupid. hell, i’d avoid any acronyms unless it’s military. and speaking of military…

symbols that have more than one meaning – if you’re going to put something that “symbolizes” something on your body forever i would make sure you know what it symbolizes for ALL cultures. two examples come to mind – the military reference comes from two lightening bolts making a “SS” pattern which are used my modern army “Scout Snipers” as their tattoo of choice. problem? also used in WWII (the big one) to symbolize nazi troops, and more recently to denote neo-nazi skinheads. combine that tattoo with an army-issue hair cut and you might be saying something you don’t mean to…second quick story: a former friend (don’t ask) has a crescent moon with a star on his hand. why? ’cause it was used on both a duran duran album cover/single AND a few black crowes graphics, both bands near and dear to his heart. also a muslim symbol, of course – and more universally known for that then for being the cover art for duran’s new moon on monday single in 1984. and it’s on his fucking HAND. made him rather unpopular in a bar in texas on september 12th, 2001. so know your shit on this kind of thing. and speaking of…

if you don’t speak it, you don’t need it – i still don’t get the foreign language tattoo, and i even have ’em. don’t get the word “strength”, get the chinese symbol for it even though you’re NOT chinese? or get “peace” in sanskrit or “love” in hebrew even though you don’t speak or write either one? why? we always make people sign off on the exact image we’re tattooing so later when they find out their name in hebrew is actually a bagel order or something. i have very convincing completely made up stories i tell customers to discourage this. this also marks one of a couple tattoos i’d like to cover, although fortunately it’s the least visible on i have. totally different story with…

tribal – i have a huge (and i mean fucking HUGE) tribal on my back, plus two smaller ones. the lowest of them (my first tribal AND the first tattoo i ever drew for myself that launched me drawing them for ME, teri, tina, & JAB) i’ve wanted to cover forever, but now i’m thinking they all need to go in favor of a bigger, better back piece. the problem is it’s big, it’s bold, it’s black, and it’s really in there. so when (not IF) it happens a laser will have to be involved and that feels even worse than the tattoo did from what i’ve been told. on the upside the process is twice as fast…but with over thirty hours of work on my back that’s still about ten two hour laser sessions – if i can even sit through two hours of that shit. surprisingly people still come in wanting this stuff – i recently sold a bunch of tribal tattoo shirts on ebay to one buyer for almost a hundred bucks – so i guess it still has it’s fans out there. hell, it might even have a resurgence at some point. but if you can think of another way to do what you want, i would. learn from my mistakes on this one. and to go down another layer…

if you’re gonna band it or brand it don’t do it – i am very passionate about my music. extremely so. almost encyclopedic in my knowledge of some of it. that being said, i won’t get any of their logos on me. likewise, i’m a total label whore – but you won’t see the oakley “o” on me anytime soon. or the bmw roundell. why? ’cause i’m just not looking to be a billboard. you shouldn’t be either. now, i DID once have the idea of doing a collage of backstage passes from my knee to my ankle, all the way around, to where it looked like a sock of backstage passes from various tours. still might do that, but for some reason i’ve convinced myself that’s different. only mentioned this where i did ’cause the giant tribal semi-regret on my back was originally conceived to cover up a marvin martian clining to the middle of my back. but the polo horse? the nike swoosh? or the van halen “VH”? just let it go. and speaking of letting it go…

love them forever, but don’t make it THAT kind of forever – if you want your kids’ names…or your parents’ names, fine. but your significant other? i wouldn’t do it. i once had a customer ask (over the phone) if getting her husband’s name on her meant they’d split up. i said “yes” to talk her out of it. one of my guys likes names ’cause he says it guarantees us repeat business when we have to cover it up. i have another guy who tries to talk people out of bible verse tattoos with the “what if you don’t want to be christian later in life?” question. i guarantee whatever your new deity is they won’t want you to cover up leviticus 19:28. your new girlfriend who’s not named “heather” which is now on your neck forever? that’s a different story.

and the “honorable mention” that should have really been number one?

“any tattoo NOT done in a proper shop”.

look, i know it’s cheaper. but it’s also shittier. while anything above is a bad idea, at least it will be a well-executed bad idea that should be guaranteed hep and HIV free if it’s in a shop. at the home of your buddy that “used to work in a shop so he knows what he’s doing”? not so much. there’s a reason they’re not in a shop anymore, and it’s not usually because they want more money – it’s usually because they got fired for either being unsanitary, unscrupulous, or just a shitty artist. any way you slice or dice it, it’s on your permanently – make sure it looks good.