beyond pointless – the holiday sixer

i always look at halloween as the “kick-off” to the holiday season…

…sure september has one, but it’s early and it’s “labor day”, which is bullshit in itself if you know the history (LINK to yourself). but you have halloween, than thanksgiving, than Christmas (or haunnakuh or kwanza or whatever the fuck) than new year’s. that’s when i call it done, even though i always celebrate thoroughly the holidays of st. patrick’s day (my heritage) in march and cinco de mayo (the heritage of many a woman i’ve enjoyed the company of) in may.

but there are some bullshit holidays out there. and the king (or queen) of ’em, in my opinion, is valentine’s day.

what a load of shit…

so let’s look at the others first as we “celebrate”:

six holidays that are utter bullshit

6. arbor day – without the use of google, bing, wikipedia, or any of those do you have any fucking idea what this one is about? exactly – as well you shouldn’t…

5. president’s day – i think they just combined washington and lincoln’s b-days into one for the benefit of furniture and mattress sales. but they’re two different dudes from two different centuries. if we’re gonna do it, shouldn’t we do it right? and they call it “president’s day”, but it’s only about those two – shouldn’t that piss off the families of forty-two other people?

4. columbus day – not to shit on the italians, who consider this kinda their st. patrick’s, but at least our guys WAS a real saint AND he didn’t just “discover” something that had already been found. people were here. not just the native folk we’d later wipe out and than say “our bad” by letting them build casinos – no, there’s plenty of proof, and has been since long before i was alive, that other explorers were here before columbus. and while we don’t even know the name of the second or third guy who “discovered” the electric light and we sure as fuck don’t shut down banks and mail service to commemorate him, we do for this numb-nuts.

3. groundhog day – in the days of getting the weather channel on your phone, does this little rodent really serve a purpose any more? i mean, i get that it will always be a tourist draw for a northeastern town that otherwise has NO business…but does it need to be a national thing? i mean, shit – “chisolm trail round-up” draws tourists my the dozens to our little town, but we don’t put it on anything you can buy at calendar club.

2. flag day – while i won’t discount memorial day and verteran’s day, which i think are essentially the same thing, or the fourth of july, does the flag actually need it’s own day? i mean, really? we don’t have “eagle day” or “uncle sam” day or any day for any other patriotic symbol – and they get put out on all the ones i mentioned and (now) september 11th…does it really need to fly half way between memorial day and the fourth of july just so we remember what it looks like? or this so all the people that dropped five bucks on their chinese-made american flag can average a buck a holiday?

before we go any further i’d like to point out that even though three of the six that made this list happen in february, which is black history month, that this is NOT racist. that being said, i’ll probably dog on the whole “black history month” thing before it’s over ’cause…well…no body else gets THEIR own month. well, actually they do if you really look it up…it’s just not as known, which i think is kinda stupid. all that being said, you know what had the top spot:

1. valentine’s day – while most of the other “big” holidays have some kind of cultural or religious relevance (and no, i won’t go after the whole “why do we have a separation of church and state and yet government offices shut down on religious holidays” issue) this one serves no purpose other than to get ladies more blingy shit (while the stuff they got for Christmas is still being paid off) and flowers and dinners can be DOUBLE their normal rate and single people (ahem) can be bitter about it. look – you’re with the one you “love” (in quotes ’cause i’m finding it’s a relative term) so shouldn’t every day be a holiday to your happiness? do we really need a special day just so they can make pink m&m’s and single folk like myself can feel like shit? fuck y’all…