my old nemesis, will power

let me re-visit my most re-visited subject…

…my fat ass.

now, before a few of you bum rush the comments section to refute the first statement of this bit, i will openly admit that my ass isn’t actually fat. i know this. as i’ve stated in some past bit(s) (and in an email to my buddy lance when we were chatting about us turning forty this summer) when i pointed out that i turned twenty weighing in around 250 and wearing forty inch shorts, than turned thirty weighing closer to 275 and wearing forty-four inch shorts, but than turned forty weighing two-o-seven and thirty-fours were loose.

but for the last two months getting back below 210 seems impossible, and i kinda know why – no dieting will power.

it always happens this time of year, and not for the normal reasons. most people put on weight during the holidays due to festive gatherings and holiday parties, and that kinda shit. i really don’t have much of that in my world, and spending most of my time alone doesn’t really work to change that. no, i gain weight this time of year ’cause i get down and depressed and as a result eat more; which this year is bad due to ink plans.

this winter we’re supposed to finish the bulk of my torso up, which includes portrait tattoos of my folks from their wedding album. while it’ll be bad enough if i don’t man-scape right and Moms looks like the bearded lady it’ll be even worse if i’m not the right weight (since these are going on my stomach) and she ends up looking like either the FAT bearded lady (if i gain weight after) or the albino ethiopian bearded lady (’cause i drop weight after) so i’m not sure what to do; just know whatever i weigh when that goes on i’ll wanna stay there for a good long while…

…fuck it, guess i can start with dad. forgot what he looked like most of my life anyway, right?