happiness or hartiness?

lemme take a break from the NOLA bits…

…for what smacked me on the face monday night – a reality check.  after four days of running around a fun party city with an old friend and staying at his posh palace i make the eight hour drive back in ten hours (due to numerous, probably unneeded stops and a shit-ton of highway construction on I-10) and get within a mile of my house only to have to drive most of the last mile at 2mph due to all the kids and parents running about the street for halloween – and i couldn’t even honk or curse at my SUV “pace car” ’cause it’s back window was open and i could see JAB in the back.

so than i FINALLY get home and copper has peed her crate, my mortgage payment (which i was on a good streak of never going thirty days late since i refinanced in 2009) goes late because the payment cut-off is 8pm on the thirty-first (i logged onto the site at 8:13) and i have a notice from the utility company that i have to pay by noon on the first or i am, once again, living “la vida amish”.

so THAT was what i came home to after a ten hour drive – bill issues and dog piss.  one of them couldn’t be avoided, one of ’em could.  which brings to mind the question that’s been weighing on me lately…

…do i sacrifice my happiness and try to find some cubicle or state job that actually pays me or stick this tattoo thing out (no pun intended) for a bit longer with the hope and prayer that it financially turns around?

for the bulk of my life i’ve had really cool jobs that didn’t pay shit.  sure, when i was in a bar and told somebody new what i did they’d be fascinated – but if they wanted me to cover the tab they’d be fucked.  than i worked at dell – for the most part, hated my job; than every other friday i’d get reminded why i dealt with all the bullshit…until it became less and less of a reminder.  than it was gone, and i was pretty happy about it.  swore i’d never go back.  but…

…what i don’t miss is the bullshit and, surprisingly, the normal weekends.  sure, i’ve missed a social engagement or two – but weekend tv tends to suck, where as weeknights ain’t bad.  but i do miss insurance, a retirement package, and making more than a freshly-graduated fourth grade teacher (in truth i think they even make more than me).  but i get cool co-workers, practically free tattoo work, a fairly lax schedule (save for the weekends) and a LOT less stress.  plus, i actually like going to work.

that’s why this is hard to even consider walking away from.

also, truth be told, for the first year i was with the tattoo folk i was only part-time, so i actually kept looking for other “normal” jobs, and sent out plenty of resume packets – all with ZERO response.  so when they asked me to go full time, i said “fuck it” and went for it.  plus, it was nice to be somewhere i could say “fuck it” and not end up in some HR meeting.

decisions, decisions, decisions…