my therapist would be so proud! (if i actually had a therapist or saw a real need for one, i mean…)

so this will be the last sixer before i turn forty…

…and with so much of my life going all topsy-turvy and the fact i keep harping on this milestone and i keep focusing on shit i wished i HAD done (or thought i WOULD do) before i hit this invisible line in the sand i decided that i would, for a change, focus on some positive shit.

never saw that coming in a million years, did you?

it’s not like my life’s been ALL bad or something. hell, some parts of it have been down-right good. some parts of it still are. so, in order to try and show i’m not completely bitter, sarcastic, and cynical (although probably still two outta three) i present the somewhat sarcastically titled:

six great accomplishments in four short decades
(in no particular order)

6. thirty-two and a half legs and eight wagging tails later: i’ve raised eight great dogs. and with calum losing a leg via cancer a year and some change before he succumbed to liver failure (whiskey is not good for puppies, apparently) and two of them still with me (one pushing me away from the desk as i try to type this in classic “pay attention to me” movement) i can say that if dogs are truly a reflection of the personality of their owner the last few (calum, buffi, lucky, copper, and (not so) lil’ dude) show i have enough personality to have super cool pups. they make me smile. i think i do the same to them. that’s pretty cool.

5. all my dreams came true: at least career-wise. the problem was AFTER college i kinda stopped dreaming – or at least to the best of my recollection. when i was a kid i never really had any “when i grow up i wanna be…” aspirations. i guess if anything junior high and high school made me want to do either radio or work in a record store – specifically sundance records in san marcos. i did both, plus club dj’d (late high school dream) and even through in some corporate shit, concerts and events, and now the tattoo industry. who knows what’ll be next, right?

4. i never had kids: admittedly, this one is bitter-sweet. when i was in my twenties i saw kids as an inconvenience. in my thirties i saw them as damn near a necessity. at thirty-five that started to wane. now? fuck all that. if i hooked up with a girl now that wanted kids that would probably be a deal breaker. if she already HAS them, that’s cool…but if she wants them? like a new one? i think i’m too selfish and in love with what few precious hours of sleep i get these days to be changing diapers at 3am…and i could never see me as that dad that makes the mom do all that shit herself. so, that ship has sailed…and i have no problem standing on the docks and waving good-bye to it. plus, it means shane owes me a grand. i know i’ll never collect, but it’s a little icing on the cake there…

3. i made my momma proud: little known fact: i’m gifted. at least in the standardized test, honors program kinda way. the problem: when you’re in lockhart schools in the eighties things were so small that that meant you had the same twenty-five kids for EVERY class. outside of that group you didn’t really know anybody in your grade…not an issue through fifth grade, but in that junior high dress rehearsal that is the sixth grade (which, now that i say that, is actually one of the grades AT the junior high in the school district) you start to separate the popular, wealthier kids from the rest of the herd. you were in or out. being the child of a single parent, a single TEACHER parent, no less, money was an issue. plus, to be honest, i found most of those kids kinda boring. so i purposely almost flunked out of the sixth grade, which caused me to be dropped into “normal” classes…and get to hang with the “normal” kids. no more being looked down on. no more being made fun of for what i wore ’cause we couldn’t afford better. and no more mental stress ’cause i could go play and devote twenty minutes to homework and still be cool. now, every year the same argument – “how is he in the 97th percentile or above in all his standardized tests and NOT in honors?”…but mom kept ’em at bay. made it out of high school AND college. probably be paying for the latter till the day i die, but hey – i made it. mom was proud. she even said so. my only regret was not getting a picture of me, her, dad, and teri at my graduation…who knew the next time we’d all be in the same room together would be less than a year later, but by then she’d be in a box?

2. kept up my stash: not talking facial hair on this (although that doesn’t look too bad right now) – no, talking about the ink. previously i said i wanted to be able to wear a t-shirt, shorts, and shoes and nothing shows. than i worked damn near two years (and counting) in the tattoo industry with some AMAZINGLY gifted artists, most of whom will work on me for pennies on the dollar.

that’s some tempting shit.

but, so far i can still sit in a t-shirt, shorts, and shoes and nothing shows. promised my boss that if i hit the five year mark with the company (hit two as of august 1st) not only will i get one that shows, but i’ll let him do it. time will tell.

1. weight a minute – yeah, you knew this would be tops if you know me. my weight has ALWAYS been a struggle. but staring forty in the face i weigh less and am better shape than…well…ever. if you’re young or thin (or both, in which case the phrase “fuck you” comes to mind) you don’t see the real accomplishment here. if you don’t fall into either of those categories you get it.