what the hell is this one about again?

i can remember exactly where i was…

…i was a block north of the square in lockhart, going towards the grocery store, in front of historic smitty’s market when my friend tia said, “i think we’ve found your next whore bit”.

“i agree”, i replied.

twelve hours later i was in front of a blank computer screen. and blank it sat for another twelve hours as i tried to remember what the fuck i was gonna do a bit on. but nothing. hell, two hours after the initial blank screen i HAD a good, short bit i coulda done…

tough to see i admit, but it’s a real-life version of the second pic in that yoga bit i did a while back. was just gonna have a close-up pic with the caption “i wanna party with THIS guy!” and that would be the bit. memory-lapse saved!

but i saw the guy, and by the time i screeched to a halt and snapped the above pic in my rear view mirror it occurred to me that i was in a neighborhood where, had i leaped from my car to snap this awesome pic i woulda come back to a missing fucking car. so, we got the mirror shot.

it’s been a reality week, to say the least.

missed the best whore photo opp in months, if not years, because i realized the car (camaro convertible, top down) would get boosted if i left it to take the pic. realized i’m not gonna lose the twenty pounds i want to go away by end of year if i keep eating and drinking the way i do (this bit is being typed with a plate of BBQ chicken smothered in sauce and cheese on one shot of the keyboard and glass number two of straight tequila on the other) and the week started with the realization that i would be ass-fuck retarded if i proceeded with the plans to go to new orleans for halloween that i had ready to go.

why would i be “ass-fuck retarded”? an unplanned sixer…

1. couldn’t get anybody to take care of the girls – lil’ dude was gonna get boarded at the vet, but nobody could watch copper and buffi, the latter of which seems to be getting more “special needs” by the day anyway due to her blindness getting worse.

2. the extra cash – in addition to the $500 i’d guesstimated i’d need for rental car, gas, boarding of the dogs, dog-sitter for the girls, food, and the almighty booze i had to have an ADDITIONAL five bills in my checking account for enterprise (the one rental company in lockhart) to “hold” on my check card while i had their precious pontiac grand what-the-fuck or whatever i rented as i don’t have a “real” credit card.

3. rolling solitary – this trip was originally planned for two, but that all changed, and i did the time math and realized for every TWO hours i was in new orleans running around with bret & leo i’d be spending ONE hour in a car, by myself, with nobody to talk to. solitary confinement at 65mph. i used to do this for work, but i was getting PAID. this time i would be PAYING for what they use to punish prison folk who fuck up and they want to make prison WORSE. fuck all that.

4. ozzy-free and not proud to be – voodoo one day passes were too much for me to drop coin on to spend the one day i WOULD be out of the car by myself in a park just to see the ozz man at the end of the day…and with him playing in town i felt almost spiritually obligated.

5. rush (not the shitty canadian band) is a bad thing (although the shitty canadian band is a bad thing, too, or i wouldn’t call them “shitty”) – as bret pointed out, i should come at a time where i can kind of lollygag around and relax. drunkenly stumble from bar to bar without being impeded by the halloween rush crowd (coupled with the voo-doo music fest crowd, tripled by the saints having a home game on halloween crowd)…this trip was ill-conceived the second i moved it to this weekend.

6. dough (not a female deer) – the bottom line was the bottom line. i make a decent chunk on weekends, and coupling what i’d drop with what i WOULDN’T make i saw this being a sony lcd all over again (i dropped a decent chunk on a nice tv for the den only for it to bite me in the ass with two months of poverty immediately following it) so i opted to stay back, duct tape my bank balance, and chill. hell, i might as well spend halloween alone…gets me set for thankgiving, xmas, new years, and valentine’s day the same way. at least on st. pat’s i know i’ll have a crowd around at the pub.