throwback thursday

Author: Published: April 10, 2008 0 comments

today, believe it or not, is a special day…

…today shane is a free man.

no bullshit.

off probation. no more breathalizer. no more meetings. no more me forging signatures…

…wait. ignore that last part.

back in the day i did a dating quiz. it had multiple choice. it had true – false. it had short answer. it was good. it was funny. when shane read it, he thought it meant one thing…

ladies…don’t date shane…

reading it later, i can see why he thought that – but that wasn’t the point. it was actually a partial slam against this girl leah, and i won’t share with you the tie that brings with me & shane…but suffice to say we owe our friendship (or at least initial introduction) to her…

…let’s move on.

so, drunkenly, we were searching for that bit for today, and were unable to find it due to a lack of google support and a total ass rape by the (not so) good people at fatcow.com. that’s actually an acronym for “For All Time Cover your Own Work” – as in we don’t back up shit.

fuck them.

let’s move on…(and if the site disappears now we know it’s on purpose)

we came across this one, and it made us both laugh…so enjoy for our first throwback thursday:

Free Government Cash
by sean ~ March 1st, 2002. Filed under: Uncategorized.
okay, so today i pledged to get to work on time (and since i’m writing this at 11:00 at night on thursday, here’s to hoping i actually get there) but at least, i have a job. went out to lunch the other day with a friend who will remain nameless. i paid. as always. know why? he has no job. and lately he feels hassled…’cause the state wants him to go out and fill out FIVE job applications a week.

the bastards!!!!

so, he’s all worried. “DUDE”, he exclaimed over his third buffet place, “if i fill out FIVE a week, i might get HIRED!!!” (tip–always take your poor friends to all-you-can-eat places…if you gotta pay, might as well make it worth your bucks, right?)

if he gets hired, he’s gonna have to shave. and bathe. and give up that habit of catching all THREE jerry springer broadcasts a day. and maybe both simpon’s. this thought made him almost cry. i know he reads this site…and some of y’all might be sick of work. so here are a five tips to get through the application process, and NOT get hired.

1. under, “most recent job experience”, put down, “amateur pharmacist / herbalist…till i got busted”
2. on all your personal references, but down all female names, including a column for their “stage names”
3. list your only hobby/special interest as “partying”
4. when they ask if there are day’s you can’t work, put down, “monday–that’s my probation day, and i have to spend all morning drinking that urine cleaner and water”
5. use crayon to write down your educational experience.

i’m sure i’ll come up with more…if you can think of any, email them to me….i gotta get to sleep, or i won’t make it tommorrow..and i hate to have to use my own shit…

(sad i now work in coporate america, huh? but fuck it – they’re laying off people where i am, so this might come in handy later…)

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