i’ll sell them to nike for pennies (your annoying kids, part ii)

here’s something parents of this world just don’t seem to get…

…some of us don’t like kids. period.

i think newborns are hideous. there, i said it. they look like yoda without the ears…or the green…or the jedi skills. if they could at least rope in that last one, i could be cool with the ugliness…but they can’t (or at least hide it to where i can’t see it), so to me, NO – they are not “precious” or “adorable” or even “cute”. they look like extremely small geriatrics.

beyond that they get to the toddler age. now they’re just stumbling, babbling, waddling fools who can’t stand or walk right and piss and shit themselves…picture john belushi, circa 1978, without the comedic chops. again, for those of us who have never sired a kid, no magic there…

…this is all starting to sound a bit TOO bitter, even for me, so let me explain the reasoning behind this.

occasionally, for a little extra scratch or ink, i help out at a tattoo shop. what i found amusing is that a couple once came in, with BOTH of them wanting to get tattoos done, with their three kids in tow…and the oldest of the wee tribe was SEVEN. fucking SEVEN. second grade – HARDLY the babysitting age (unless things have changed that much since i was growing up) and proceeded to tell the “elder” seven year old to “go take his brother and sister into the ‘tv room’ and watch them till mommy and daddy were done…”

fuck all that. this wasn’t a “tv room” – it was the lobby of a tattoo shop…and guess what – the staff AIN’T fucking babysitters.

i locked the three wee ones in the room with the two parents AND the two artists…from the outside. said to yell if they needed anything OTHER than the kids to get out of the room.

the end.

i can’t understand why parents think the rest of the world should be universally tolerant of their offspring. i guess, to certain degree, all that have had “the experience” (i.e. been a parent or at least some resemblance there of) have a built in filter or tolerance or whatever to deal with bullshit on that level…

…i ain’t one of those people.

i figure as a teenager, i might could handle them. at least boys. some might laugh at me at saying this, but at least then i know the “cry factor” should be a bit lower, and hopefully they can take my brand of “humor” (i.e. verbal abuse) without too much time on a therapist couch…

…or perhaps not.

either way, those of you WITH kids – stop forcing the parental lifestyle on those of us WITHOUT kids. you CHOSE to have kids (or at least fuck without the proper precautions). some of us CHOSE not to. we’ll respect you if you respect us…deal?

(and that will be the last drunken entry for the week…or day, more than likely)